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“Dancing Fools”
The Atlanta Journal-Constitution
What, no Howard K. Stern?
Sorry, guess I’m just so accustomed to seeing the late Anna Nicole Smith’s lawyer/alleged hubby/would-be burial choreographer on TV 24/7, I naturally assumed he’d be one of the contestants on the fourth “Dancing with the Stars.” But apparently he can’t go anywhere without Anna Nicole. Literally.
And it seems ABC has higher standards for its surprise hit reality show that returns next Monday with a special two-hour episode. No one in the new cast announced live on “Good Morning America” mere moments ago could legitimately be described as a hack or hanger-on. Which doesn’t mean the Serf didn’t have to consult her Who’s Who of Demi-Celebrities to figure out where a few of them had been for the last decade or so:
Ian Ziering, Paulina Porizkova, Shandi Finnessey, come on down! Porkizkova’s a former supermodel/Sports Illustrated swimsuit covergirl long married to The Cars’ Ric Ocasek; Ziering was Steve Sanders on “Beverly Hills 90210,” or as you might better remember him, the Guy Who Looked Like a 35-Year-Old Going to High School. Finnessey was Miss USA 2004 and the mere fact that I had to tell you that means she doesn’t have some juicy The Donald-Sent-Me-To-Rehab scandal in her past, so really, who cares?
A few of the other contestants’ name had leaked out well before Season 3 “dancer” Jerry Springer started revealing their i.d.’s to a GMA host team that feigned surprise each and every time: Billy “Achy Breaky Heart” Cyrus, Joey “Ex-n’Syncer” Fatone, Leila “Women’s Middleweight Boxing Champ” Ali and Leeza “Leeza” Gibbons.
And since athletes are as de rigeur on “Dancing” as country singers and boy banders, we also get ex-NBA great Clyde Drexler and five-time Olympic short track ice skating medalist Apolo Anton Ono (Here’s hoping he wears his crash helmet and periodically runs onstage to barrel into other dancers just like he does in his racers).
But there was at least one major surprise: Lumbering actor Vincent Pastore, last seen drowning in the ocean (and I don’t mean an ocean of marinara) on “The Sopranos” as the late, great “Big Pussy” will try to rub out the competition. Personally, if I were that weeny little judge Bruno (aka Mr. “Hot, Hot, Hot!”) , I’d be commiting the phrase “Who says big men can’t move beautifully, Vinny?” to memory right now.
And then there’s the sentimental choice. If, by sentimental, you mean “The best tabloid fodder name we at ABC could get and still look like we’re doing something noble”: Ladies and gentlemen (and one very particular Sir), it’s Heather Mills, estranged wife of Sir Paul McCartney and well-known disabilities advocate, having herself lost a leg in an accident years ago.
The latter fact led Springer to say, “There’s a lot of message in that: People, whatever challenge they face, can dance. She might be a favorite.” To which “GMA” host Diane Sawyer couldn’t help but append, with big ratings stars clearly shining in her eyes, “But [she’s] also in the middle of a big brouhaha.”
The Serf’s hoping for a Big Pussy-Heather Mills final showdown. With Sir Paul McCartney and Tony Soprano in the audience. Loser goes home with the guy who done ‘em wrong. Talk about Hot, Hot, Hot!
Comments
Commenting is now closed for this entry.
By Flo Jean
February 21, 2007 10:44 AM | Link to this
Heather will be a shoo-in for the “Hokey Pokey”. Put your left leg in and shake it all about.
By Sharon
February 21, 2007 11:32 AM | Link to this
Your article could have done without the lead in mentioning Howard Stern. Yes, the media has made a 3 ring circus out of this situation and you seem to be right up there on that band wagon.Your crass comment lessens your credability in my eyes. The man just wants a funeral for his deceased loved one and his anguish has nothing whatsoever to do with the topic of your article. Shame on you!
By Juanita
February 21, 2007 11:53 AM | Link to this
Jill
It’s Laila Ali not Leila, also Vincent Pastore was last seen on Celebrity Fit Club
By Dave
February 21, 2007 12:28 PM | Link to this
I agree with Sharon. Why do you feel the need to make such a comment regarding Stern/Smith. Another “shame on you” from me.
By Sarah
February 21, 2007 12:40 PM | Link to this
Do you want some cheese with your whine Sharon, grow up and face the facts that Anna Nicole, Howard Stern, her family, the idiot camera loving publicty loving judge in Florida deserve all the side show circus freak show comments anyone makes on this band of fools. Anna Nicole Smith was a trainwreck, drunk, dim witted wannabe starless in life and in death she is the same. Trash who dies is just dead trash, get over yourself. If you want to save something, don’t let it be this trainwrecks image, save a dog from the pound.
By jtank
February 21, 2007 12:50 PM | Link to this
I wonder what cause Heather’s gonna “stump” for now?
By Cheryl
February 21, 2007 12:55 PM | Link to this
I won’t be watching it. What a gold digger?
By Grace
February 21, 2007 12:57 PM | Link to this
I don’t think Heather Mills will make it very far. I would be surprise if she last 2 weeks. I certainly don’t think she is the sentimental favorite. You have to remember that this country loves the Beetles. America embraced the Beetles before they embraced civil rights! Heather is looked down upon as a good digger who wants half a billion dollars for a 3yr marriage. Personally I don’t blame her at all. I just can’t believe Paul was stupid enough to marry her without a prenup. Not only did her not protect himself but he did not protect his adult children that he had with Linda. It doesn’t matter how you feel about his foolishness, Heather will continue to be seen as the villian in this situation.
By Mary Mary
February 21, 2007 12:58 PM | Link to this
Do what I did - go to www.abc.com, find “contact us” and send them an email stating you do not like the choice of Heather Mills and will not watch the show if she is a contestant. The beeyotch needs to go away.
As for the other “comments” - the Anna Nicole thing IS a joke, dead or not - pretty as she was, she seemed to always be high on something. She made herself a joke and Stern helped. Find the you tube video showing him filming her, pregnant and high, painted like a clown, totally out of it. He is heard commenting “this will be worth some money”. Obviously her, obviously pregnant, obviously stoned out of her mind. Yes it’s sad and tragic, but we don’t seem to care anymore. I’ve visited some blogs in the UK - they are much kinder than we are here. We’ve become terribly mean - and especially to those in the public eye. Now don’t start some “then move to the UK” thing - it’s just a comment.
By Mary Mary
February 21, 2007 1:01 PM | Link to this
OMG Grace! NOT BEETLES!!! BEATLES!!! A beetle is a bug or a Volkswagon! LOL
By Koz
February 21, 2007 1:06 PM | Link to this
I’m sure Heather Mills will have no problem if one of the dances is the Hop.
By No Heather Fan Here
February 21, 2007 1:30 PM | Link to this
Right on mary mary! Good advice and abc.com is my next stop. That “lady” might have conned Paul into not signing a prenup, but there is no reason for her to get half his earnings for her short time married to him.
I feel for Paul, and certainly want to vote her out. I’m torn between not watching to boycott, and watching the end to get the number to vote against her.
By Sharon
February 21, 2007 1:45 PM | Link to this
I agree with Mary Mary, we have become very mean. And Sarah, have you considered an anger management course?
By kenlevy_99
February 21, 2007 1:48 PM | Link to this
Hooray for Heather!!! Look at everything she’s done for that poor, unproductive and lazy fellow, Paul. First, she introduces him to John Lennon, George Harrison and Ringo Starr. Next a man on a Flaming Pie appears and tells Heather that it’s Beatles with an “A”. Heather, of course, introduced the Fabs to Ed Sullivan and Brian Epstein. It was Heather who wrote She Loves You, Hey Jude, Lady Madonna, Let It Be, Yesterday, and Live and Let Die, and host other unforgettable classics. A Hard Days’ Night was Heather’s idea. Heather changed the name of the movie “Eight Arms to Hold You” to Help! and, as everyone knows, Sgt. Pepper was Heather’s uncle. Would Paul have sold over a billion records but for Heather? Would Paul (with a little help from his friend, John) have written the greatest collection of songs in the history of music but for Heather? Would Paul have been Knighted but for Heather? Maybe I’m amazed that people don’t hold her in the same high regard as they do Yoko. No wonder she’s entitled to half of what little wealth Paul has. She needs to be on “Dancing with the Stars” to earn the cash to make up for the shortfall that undoubtedly will come from her divoce settlement. Poor Heather. I guess money can’t buy you love (but love’s all you need.)
By ciao main
February 21, 2007 1:54 PM | Link to this
“Put your right leg in, fall your whole a** down.”… Git back, Heather! ….I ain’t sayin’ you a golddigger….but you ain’t messin’ with a Beetle singer (yes, Mary Mary - he IS a Beatle)…..
By Grace
February 21, 2007 2:04 PM | Link to this
Sorry for the spelling of Beatles. I guess I was thinking about Paul’s brain. Besides, I wasn’t born until he went solo.
By kenlevy_99
February 21, 2007 2:18 PM | Link to this
To Grace and all others who were born after the Beatles broke up (officially in April of 1970, see e.g. Ringo’s song “Early 1970”): In all seriousness, although it wasn’t your fault, you missed something very special and not likely to be soon repeated. Paul’s iconic status is well earned and by no means came about as a coincidence of the times. I hope you realized my diatribe (a couple posts above) was extremely “tongue in cheek” and intended to show that Heather had nothing to do with Paul’s accomplishments, talent, contributions, or wealth.
By Drewbobaloobob
February 21, 2007 3:53 PM | Link to this
Let’s move on and talk about something important, like why Joyce DeWitt is not on Dancing With the Stars. Or Lindsay Wagner. Or Dame Cheryl Ladd.
By Captain Tom
February 21, 2007 4:01 PM | Link to this
I wanna see Vern Troyer do a “little” dancing
By Marie
February 21, 2007 4:39 PM | Link to this
To: Kenlevy_99.. Heather was not even born when Paul strted out. I believe you were referring to Pauls long-term wife (now deceased) Linda. He has done alot for this world and for charities. Have you done something better that the world does not know about? If you are going to bash someone at least jnow what you are talking about…
By jessi
February 21, 2007 4:52 PM | Link to this
oh my god tjdsern
By Grace
February 21, 2007 5:13 PM | Link to this
TO KENLEVY, yes I understood your post and agree. I agree that Paul is very talented. I just hate that fact that he didn’t protect the financial reward for 4 decades of hard work. Paul is not alone in his situation. You have all of these aging rich men who remarry young women with no prenup. If you care anything at all about your grown kids you have to protect them. You can’t expect that 2nd wife to give a damn about your first family. All you have to do is look at blended families with average incomes. Most of the time that new wife (or husband) don’t care about their spouse kids from previous relationships. Now add wealth to the equation.
My mother use to tell me somethings about old men but I will keep that to myself cause I don’t want to start a war in this blog. I’m sure it has happened somewhere but I have never heard of a woman worth millions marrying down without a prenup. Even Britney dumb azz have one.
By Anna Fan
February 21, 2007 5:21 PM | Link to this
Have you read this beautiful poem that I understand was written by Dennis Dames, a famous poet from the Bahamas.
Do you remember Running in the sun Under the trees Grabbing everyone Sandals on feet K Stern at your side I will miss Lovely Anna Lady of mine
By kenlevy_99
February 21, 2007 5:26 PM | Link to this
To Marie:
You obviously didn’t read my later post. I am well aware that Heather wasn’t even born until years after The Beatles broke up. In fact, Paul didn’t meet Linda until late May 1967 (three years after the Beatles achieved international fame) when Linda was assigned to photograph the Sgt. Pepper release party (at the invitation of Brian Epstein). Therefore, while Linda may have contributed some to Paul’s success (undoubtedly to his solo carreer and a tad to his Beatles’ work -Obladi Oblada according to Paul was influenced by Linda’s love of reggae and Get Back contained a reference to Linda’s first husband , who lived in Tuscon Arizona) Heather had nothing whatsoever to do with Paul’s success thus perpetuating (if not substantiating) her reputation as a golddigger. The whole point of my tongue and cheek post was to show that Heather has had very little to do if anything to Paul’s success; i.e. she didn’t form the Beatles, she didn’t introduce them to Brian Epstein or Ed Sullivan, she didn’t write any of the songs or come up with the idea for Sgt Pepper, She had nothing to do with his Knighthood, She didn’t cause him to sell any records, etc. Why is she so entitled to all the money the Press reports that she seeks. Paul offered her 25 million pounds (not dollars) That’s plenty of compensation for a 4 year marriage. And remember, she didn’t live a life of poverty during the course of their marriage. I’m sure that Beatrice will be well taken care of even if Heather doesn’t get a dime. She doesn’t need any sympathy nor a show on which to display her tears. If she really wants to help charity, let her donate half of her annual interest on a 25 million pound settlement to charity. Now, I agree with another post, let’s Let It Be.
By Gary
February 22, 2007 10:02 AM | Link to this
My wife and I talked about this yesterday. How could they possibly even begin to judge Heather Mills fairly in this competition? I am not trying to sound biased. We’ve watched this show before over the last 2 years. It will be truly amazing if she can get an artificial limb to do the things that these really good dancers have done with their actual legs. To be able to bend and move the way they do etc… Other than a pathetic ratings ploy by ABC (to compete against the Fox Monster of 24 and American Idol) the choice makes no sense.