By FaLaLa

January 2, 2006 07:27 AM | Link to this

Theresa, you are really going to get it this time. All those women (and men!) out there who love to sit in judgement of you and each other are going to eat you alive on this one. You and all of your friends will be called bad mothers, alcoholics, etc… I am not judging you, I don’t see anything wrong with having one or two cocktails. It does not get you drunk and as long as you give it an hour or so after the last drink you will not be impaired to drive. But this one will really draw out all those hateful busybodies who love to pass judgement on you (and others, I am sure). I can’t wait to hear how perfect they all are! Let the games begin!

By smomma

January 2, 2006 08:03 AM | Link to this

I have been reading this blog for a while and never really responded (I’m a little shy)and would just like to share my opinion. First of all, I pass judgment on NO one. I can understand how these women feel. I am a stay-at-home mother of three small children and I too have a husband who works constantly. If he isn’t working his regular job he is working on his consulting firm etc. etc. If it needs to be done around the house I do it. If the kids need something I do it. It can be hard and tiring to live like that on a daily basis. I personally do not drink under any circumstance so I can’t really say if what they are doing is right or wrong. All I really can say is that when my kids are in bed, the first thing I usually do is to turn on the xbox to get away from it all until my husband comes home. They say video games can be addicting so it is my responsibility to make sure I am moderating how much I am playing. Likewise it is the women attending these playgroups responsibility to moderate themselves. I can completely empathize with these women. Everyone needs an escape from time to time. We just have to make sure that it doesn’t interfere with our everyday duties. As to whether the Cocktail Party is impairing day to day life, that is a personal question that the women will have to ask themselves.

By Theresa

January 2, 2006 11:30 AM | Link to this

Hey FaLaLa — I know you’re with us a lot and I’m glad you’re here. I think you set a good tone for us today. I think I should clarify that I have never been to a cocktail party playgroup. I am merely reporting what my friends are telling me about, and I thought it was an interesting concept. I don’t personally have a problem with folks drinking — I think it should be done in moderation and never where it would endanger the lives of your children, your family or anyone else. I think it’s important to say again that to my knowledge, none of the moms at the playgroup cocktail parties we’re mentioning have ever put their children or themselves (or any other drivers) in danger.

To Smomma — I’m glad you decided to write today. I love that you play X-Box. Your husband must adore you!! My husband and his old roommates play all the time from their individual suburbs — it’s like they’re still sharing an apartment. I used to try to play but now the games are so complicated. I will do some race games with my 2 year old. He loves to see the cars go, but he gets mad when I don’t know how to pick the car he wants. When my husband is working late or out of town I usually just settle in with some bad TV movies. I don’t have a problem with alcohol, but I do have a problem with TV (I love it too much). Some form of chocolate usually enters the picture as well.

By Gail

January 2, 2006 12:44 PM | Link to this

I must admit reading this brought back some memories of when my children were toddlers.. They are now grown and my husband has passed away BUT I remember those wonderful years when they were little and my best friend and I COULD not wait until 5 in the afternoon!!!!! We would not drive and we would not be drunk! We were very good mothers whose husbands worked very late and we would be exhausted and need a break. BUT the difference was that we did not get out. We would just fix our drink or open our beer and talk on the phone for 15 minutes or so. We really looked forward to these LITTLE breaks……

By Tina

January 2, 2006 12:59 PM | Link to this

I’ve not heard about this phenomenon in present day, but I remember my mother going over to a friend’s down the street with us in tow, and they did drink. Some smoked. I must have been four or so, and I still remember what it was like all those years ago. I don’t think my mother necessarily drank to excess, but she DOES have a drinking problem.

I personally don’t think the concept of a boozy playdate is a particularly good idea given that young children like to mimic the behavior of their elders—and if my experience is any indication, 33 years later, children DO remember such things.

By Goddess

January 2, 2006 01:10 PM | Link to this

OMG!! I think I have found a home - LOL I am a mom of a “spiritedly-independent” 16 month old!! New to this whole mom thing, and I had a very, very fulfilling pre-baby life. But could not imagine my life without my little stinker!

I totally love this idea, Cocktail party playgroups - I will have to let the ladies know.

When everyone goes down in the evening, my addiction is the internet- love mommy blogs and could eat an entire pkg of peppridge farm bordeaux cookies - LOL

Nice to meet you all

By Cathy Green

January 2, 2006 03:26 PM | Link to this

I’ve enjoyed watching both my granddaughters when they were under 2 hold the play phone on their shoulders, talking and gesturing with their hands, mimicking their mom. So cute and adorable! After reading your column on cocktail playgroups, it doesn’t take too much stretch of the imagination to expect they will imitate this also. Not so cute and adorable. I guess the question should be what type of behavior do you want to model for your children? Do you teach by your behavior that you need relief from them by drinking or cannot have fun or handle stress without alcohol? Whether we like it or not, we are the example our children learn from. Cocktails & drinking have gone through ups and down in popularity over the last 20 years. They’ve always been around, but 20 years or so ago after companies and businesses were sued by people who lost family members who’d been drinking at company parties or bars, it became very unpopular. People were cautious about their drinking and cocktail parties were not as fashionable. Companies very rarely used alcohol at their parties and promotions. I’ve seen a resurgence in them however in the last 5 years or so and it has become the cool thing to do to be sociable. It seems that another generation will have to experience the pain themselves rather than learn from history. When their children are teenagers and are using alcohol to “have a good time” or drugs to “cope with stress” will the playgroup cocktails have been worth it? They will remember how you coped and you will no doubt remember also, as you deal with the modeled behavior your children are now using to live their lives.

By Goddess

January 2, 2006 05:10 PM | Link to this

Ohhhhh Puuullleeezzeeee!!!! Cathy That was so much crap…I could hardly read it all. Loosen up!! No one is asking you to throw a Keg party and have your children watch.

geeshhh

By Lil

January 2, 2006 06:29 PM | Link to this

Goddess-

Speaking as a child who grew up around such events, I can tell you first-hand it is not crap. Whether or not it’s a kegger, it is impressionable. I remember the first time I found a pretty “wine” glass in our cabinets and wanted to play like the “big people” and drink the sparkly stuff. Kids aren’t stupid.

But it sounds like the impression you are setting it SOOO much better….sitting in front of a computer chowing down on cookies. Good for you.

Where is Tamika when you need her???

By Goddess

January 2, 2006 07:17 PM | Link to this

Lil,

I guess you missed the part that said….AFTER EVERYONE IS DOWN FOR THE NIGHT…this is how I unwind.

Can’t drink or eat cookies…goodness gracious!!! This was a post about unwinding and hanging out with girlfriends.

If you guys want to get THIS serious about it..that is sooo on you, but it’s an article for goodness sakes.

I thought this was neat place to find informative information and share with other mommies. But of course you always have the “judgemental” group that takes things waaayyy to seriously.

See ya!!!

By msyvone

January 3, 2006 08:53 AM | Link to this

Theresa, Here’s essential reading for your playdates THE THREE MARTINI PLAYDATE ~ by Christie Mellor

My favorite Chapter: “Bedtime: Is 5:30 too Early?”

I received a TON of books on parenting when I was pregnant, but this one was my favorite. Not only is it hysterical, but there is some practical advice in there as well ( As in, You need to cultivate your OWN friendships as well as your childs… you’ll need these friends when your child is 18(or younger) and doesnt need you 24/7 anymore! )

We didn’t have “playdates” when I was a kid, but some of my favorite memories were when my parents got together with other friends of theirs with kids, and the parents would have some beers and unwind while we kids got to go play and have a blast. No kids in this group are in AA nowdays, by the way. My parents enjoyed their martini’s, but they also taught my sister and me responsibilty when it came to alcohol.

By jennifer

January 3, 2006 09:13 AM | Link to this

This is a little off-subject but I wanted to ask- During my 11 year old daughter’s last birthday she was allowed to have a few friends over. One of the mothers who came to pick up her daughter brought a little plastic cup inside with her. I thought it was Diet Coke or something until I started talking to her and I smelled it was red wine. This means she poured the wine in the plastic cup and then got behind the wheel of her van to drive over to my house to pick up her daughter. She also informed me she would be going to another kid’s party after picking up her daughter.

Does anyone, other than me, think this is out of line?

By Ann

January 3, 2006 09:35 AM | Link to this

I read this blog with a lot of interest. I am 4 1/2 months pregnant with my first child, so I don’t have any personal experience with this isssue. I do know many of my friends that are stay-at-home moms do this kind of thing, and I think if you are drinking lightly, in moderation, it is ok. There probably are those who may go overboard, and that’s too bad. I think for the most part, these women feel like they really do need the break and the stress release a glass of wine or two will bring them. Please give these moms a break! I think the pressure to be perfect has to get old!!!

By Dsmooth

January 3, 2006 09:55 AM | Link to this

Oprah did a show on this about a year ago. I don’t think that having a couple of drinks while the kids are playing is such a crime… You are a little bit more relaxed and enjoying yourself… Where is the crime in that. I remember my parents and their friends having parties and the kids were playing and they were having drinks… It seems as if our society has become so ultra conservative that people aren’t supposed to do anything but read their bible and sing hymns…

By Carrie

January 3, 2006 09:58 AM | Link to this

I think these cocktail parties sound like a fun idea as long as everyone is responsible about it. I wouldn’t do it, but I am a lush and it’s all over for me after one beer.

I don’t think you should drive your children around if you have been drinking, though. They can be distracting at the best of times and even more so when your reaction time might be a little off.

Jennifer - it is illegal to have open container in the car so I think the red wine crossed a line. If she got pulled over with her kids in the car while drinking and driving I don’t think the police officer would take it very well at all even if she was under the legal limit. It just feels sketchy and I think if it feels sketchy then it probably is sketchy.

By Dsmooth

January 3, 2006 10:05 AM | Link to this

Jennifer, I do think the line needs to be drawn when it comes to drinking while driving…. That’s a pretty bad thing to be doing…

By Jenn

January 3, 2006 10:26 AM | Link to this

Mixing kids and drinking, even in moderation, just strikes me as inappropriate. Alcohol slows reaction time…of course, so does a lack of sleep, and we somehow manage to keep the kids alive while we’re sleep deprived as well.

If you’ve hosted playgroups, you know that little ones are unpredictable. MOST of the time, they stay in the playroom or in the designated area and all is well…but there are moments when you need to respond as quickly as possible. Here are some that I’ve witnessed at our get-togethers… no alcohol involved:

1) We were all (5 moms & their kids) in the front yard of a friend’s house looking at a lizard. One 18 month old lost interest and slipped away from the group unnoticed while his mother was focused on his older sibling and the lizard. It was his house, and he and went running full speed toward the road, where people routinely drive 20+ mph over the speed limit. She got caught him just in time.

2) I was at a pool with 10 + moms and their kids… we were chatting in the water while our kids swam. While we were chatting, one child, 2 or 3, was in a flotation device, and it flipped over. The mother was constantly looking between the baby she was holding and her older child, so she was able to get to the older child quickly, but believe me, it shook all of us to the core to see how quickly, and silently, they can flip over and drown.

I know that there have been other close calls. It’s not a lack of parenting skills, it’s just a fact—it only takes 1 moment for something tragic to happen, like the mother who backed over her daughter recently when she ran behind the car, or if the child who lets the power ranger swim in the toilet drowns when he goes in after it. The guilt would be overwhelming when a child is lost due to a tragic accident. Add having had a cocktail to the mix, and I’m sure it would become self-loathing.

I don’t drink… it lost its appeal after I turned 21, and I’m not passing judgement on those who do. But, kids and alcohol shouldn’t mix, at least not while the kids are up and playing… it’s one thing to wind down once the kids are tucked in at night. It’s quite another to do it when your children need your attention.

By jennifer

January 3, 2006 10:30 AM | Link to this

Thank you for your input, ladies. This has been bothering me for some time. I guess it’s been bothering more than it should because this is the same mother who has berated me for allowing my daughter to walk to school because, “It’s dangerous.” What she really means is she is afraid of the outside world and she is forcing her paranoid feelings onto her daughters. Basically, she’s afraid of the homeless people and black people. I mean, didn’t you know that all black people want to steal your things and take your daughters?

My daughter follows the traffic laws and always crosses in the crosswalks. As I mentioned she is 11 (6th grade) and we live approximately six blocks from the school she attends in Midtown. I know there are kids who walk a heck of a lot farther than she does and they make it to school okay. I understand wanting to shelter your children but how much is too much? I told the mother on the phone when she was in the process of trying to make me feel bad for allowing my daughter to walk to school that we encourage her to walk. I wasn’t sure what else to say because anything else probably wouldn’t have been very nice LOL

Thanks again for the input.

As for the cocktail playgroups- I have to say I am a little stuck on that one. A big part of me understands wanting to be with other adults and relaxing, but the other part of me also knows that some parents either can’t or don’t want to take it easy on the drinking at these things. However, I don’t think they should be branded with a scarlet letter ‘D’ for attending and having a good time with other adults.

By Elizabeth

January 3, 2006 10:34 AM | Link to this

I am also a stay at home mom of 3 children. They are all in school now but with all the stress of making dinner and starting homework I can get very frustated. I do have a drink occasionally around my children. I used to be against drinking in front of my children and would wait until they were in bed, but as they have gotten a little older, I have explained to them that by law I can drink, but I don’t get drunk and I never drive. I don’t give them the excuse that I need it to help me deal with stress, but that I enjoy having a drink every once in a while and that there is nothing wrong with that if you don’t over do it. I know that teenagers are going to try things whether parents do them or not. I did. My parents never drank around me, but highschool through college I drank a lot. I can only hope that I raise more informed and realistic children than I was.

By jennifer

January 3, 2006 10:44 AM | Link to this

Elizabeth, I think you are on the right track by telling your kids that you are an adult and by being an adult you have the right to consume alcohol if you want.

I wish my parents were more open with me about such things. I think if we’re honest with our kids they will be more informed than a lot of us were and taking away the taboos doesn’t make it seem that appealing. Not that they might not try it but they might have a different outlook on it than some of us did.

On that note, I am very honest with my kids when it comes to sex, drugs, and all of those other ‘taboos’. With that has come great conversations and many questions from them. As a parent I like the fact they are willing to ask me questions that I never would have dreamed of asking my own parents.

By tamara

January 3, 2006 10:48 AM | Link to this

Cathy, you better not let your kids watch TV or play those video games. They will turn out to be thugs and murderers. Man you are lame and boring!

By Psycho Belle

January 3, 2006 10:53 AM | Link to this

Why can’t the persons in charge of censoring AJC blog posts set their software (or however they do it) so that it doesn’t truncate words such as c-o-c-k-t-a-i-l? Even the very earliest versions of web censoring software (long since replaced by newer versions) didn’t do that. Would the AJC please get some decent software or hire some programmers to do it right?

By Dsmooth

January 3, 2006 10:55 AM | Link to this

Please understand that black people DO NOT want your daughters… We have enough of our own to want anyone else’s (I’m not being mean , just true) And I’m scared of the homeless too, they can be mean and pushy…

By smomma

January 3, 2006 11:01 AM | Link to this

I think you guys are being a little hard on Cathy. She raises some valid and pertinent points. Perhaps it is easier to get offended and angry by something that is said than to evaluate yourself and see if a change needs to be made. Children watch what you do, what you say, what you wear, what you listen too, what you eat, and even what you drink. And perhaps what she and a few others have said struck a cord.

By Dsmooth

January 3, 2006 11:04 AM | Link to this

Well said smomma….

By Psycho Belle

January 3, 2006 11:06 AM | Link to this

I see nothing inherently wrong with the c-o-c-k-t-a-i-l playdates. I like Elizabeth’s attitude and strategy about drinking around her kids. I don’t drink very much around my kids, but then I don’t drink very much, period. When I do choose to have a drink or two every now and then on a Friday or Saturday evening at home, I see no reason to hide it from my kids or act like I’m doing something to be ashamed of. I’ve had lots of talks with my kids about alcohol, the urges that most humans (and many other animals) apparently have to alter their state of consciousness, the physiological effects that alcohol has on the body, ways to drink responsibly, the fact that some people can’t handle alcohol at all and therefore ought to stay away from it altogether, etc. There are lots of ways to unwind, and that’s just one of them. The trick is moderation and common sense.

By Anne

January 3, 2006 11:08 AM | Link to this

Elizabeth: you are a stay-at-home mom whose children are IN SCHOOL all day and you are stressed out to the point that you need a drink?

That’s just pathetic.

By Psycho Belle

January 3, 2006 11:15 AM | Link to this

I do worry, though, when people seem to need alcohol as a stress reliever. There are much better and safer ways of relieving stress. I’d rather watch a good movie, read a good book, talk things over on the phone with a girlfriend or a boyfriend, go on a walk, or ride my exercise bike.

By Elizabeth

January 3, 2006 11:18 AM | Link to this

Until you are in my shoes please dont judge me. I still work 8 hours a day plus clean house and put dinner on the table and help 3 children do homework all at once with no help from a father who works very late or is out of town all the time. I didn’t say that I have a drink every night but maybe once a month (I’m sure you’re smart enough to figure out when). Since I have had my tubes tied, I have a disorder that causes rage during a certain time a month. So yes, it is hard for me to handle a little stress sometimes. Thanks for judging me without knowing me.

By smomma

January 3, 2006 11:22 AM | Link to this

Thanks Dsmooth!

By DPR

January 3, 2006 11:32 AM | Link to this

What these “moms” need to do is get a real job and not sit around a house all day (ESPECIALLY if the kids are in school, shame on you).

No wonder the excuse is always that “hubby works late/long hours/out of town/on the moon”. If I were married to someone who just stayed home all day and then complained about how “hard” it was, I wouldn’t want to come home either!

By smomma

January 3, 2006 11:34 AM | Link to this

DPR - I would get some sense before opening my mouth.

By tamara

January 3, 2006 11:35 AM | Link to this

Elizabeth I’m with you. I work hard all week long and if I want a cold beer in the afternoons, I have one. Alcohol is legal to buy and within moderation there is absolutely nothing wrong with it (no driving either). Neither of my parents drank so I didn’t learn to drink by watching them while growing up as a lot of you have said or implied would happen if you drink in front of your children. Not to mention my son is 24 and doesn’t like to drink at all so I think that shoots the theory of monkey see monkey do when it comes to drinking. I happen to like the taste of a cold beer every now and then and will have one when I want in my own home. It would be different if I was sipping wine all day and told the kids it was apple juice. That’s when you would be considered a lush and a bad parent.

By smomma

January 3, 2006 11:36 AM | Link to this

DPR - p.s. especially on a blog full of moms

By jennifer

January 3, 2006 11:36 AM | Link to this

Believe me, I know black people aren’t lurking around the corner waiting to snatch children. I was stating the beliefs of another mother. I’m smart enough to realize it isn’t true.

On the other hand, I can’t say that I fear homeless people. True, they can be pushy but if you act like a target you will be a target. Hold your head up, act like you have somewhere to be and can’t be bothered, and when they ask you for money tell them you only have plastic. Anything outside of that statement to them should remain unanswered and go about your business. Not to mention know how to defend yourself. All women should know this tactic regardless of where you live. I’m 5’1” and definitely have the ability to seriously impair someone if they are trying to harm me or my family.

There are a lot of well-to-do folks who are much more inclined to hurt your children than you think because they get to know you, your child, and host sleepovers and such in order to gain your confidence. Being homeless doesn’t mean you are a child molester.

By jennifer

January 3, 2006 11:41 AM | Link to this

On another note, my parents used to host small get togethers with aunts and uncles. They all drank.

When I was younger I used to think if a Friday or Saturday night passed and I didn’t go out the world would end. Now that I’m 32 I realize the world will continue. I don’t like to drink at home because to me it’s more fun to go have a cocktail out with dinner on a special occasion and then come home for the evening. Now I might have a drink twice a year if that.

By Dsmooth

January 3, 2006 12:05 PM | Link to this

Jennifer, I was just joking when I said that about the black people not wanting your kids… I knew you were simply restating… I think for me I would be more terrified of a homeless person because that can have no fear of anything. I will tell a homeless person quickly I’m sorry I have nothing to give if I don’t but they can be insistent on following you and becoming harrassing.

You last statment is so true about child molesters gaining your trust. That’s so awful.

Elizabeth: There is nothing wrong with having a drink in your home whenever you choose to no matter what your profession is. Yet Again people are so judgemental. I work outside of my home 8 hours a day, then fo home to two step kids and my son who really don’t get along, my DH works 15 hours a day and i have to deal with their whining, fighting, teasing and crying. IF I choose to have a mixed drink before they are in bed or before my hubby gets home, I do. There is nothing wrong with that. My mom never drank, but I will have a mixed drink or two on the weekends and before I had my son or got married, I was a constant regular at happy hour…

DPR: I’m sure that being a stay at home mom is no easy feat… Have you ever tried it?

By FaLaLa

January 3, 2006 12:14 PM | Link to this

If you go back and look, I had the first post on this subject and, by and large, my prediction came true. You gals are like a bunch of sharks in pool of bloody water. Calling each other “pathetic” and judging each others moves with such harshness. I think we can all agree that drinking while driving is bad (duh!) and that drinking to excess around kids is bad, as well, but for the rest of it, this is personal style and preference and we should stop judging each other. Personally I dislike video games and I will not allow them in my house; however, I would not dream of calling someone a bad parent who does allow them. This is just my choice as a parent. This blog has brought out some of the worst in you people and all of you “perfect” people need to stop and take a look at your own lives instead of going on a superiority trip and lording your greatness over others. The folks who have done this have made this blog dull and tedious and not much fun. Lighten up, get off your soap box and out of the pulpit. I am sure Theresa did not start this blog so that a few could lecture and wag their fingers at her and at others.

By Dsmooth

January 3, 2006 12:24 PM | Link to this

FaLaLa::: You go girl!

By Jenn

January 3, 2006 12:36 PM | Link to this

FaLaLa,

I agree with you, for the most part…but, I can’t advocate the idea of doing something that deliberately impairs your reaction time when you are on watch (not you personally, but the universal “you”) just to make the blog “fun.” I’ve seen several near-death accidents with little kids, and I’ve heard about many more…they get into stuff in the blink of an eye, whether we’re drinking or sober. Personally, I’d want to make sure I was as “with it” mentally as possible to try and prevent an accident.

Theresa: my understanding is that reaction time decreases even with the first drink. Do you have an expert that you can ask to verify that?

By deb

January 3, 2006 12:48 PM | Link to this

There’s nothing wrong with having something to drink in moderation - it’s legal, you know. But building it around a kids play group is just too creepy for words. These are the same parents who are wondering WHY DID MY KID DIE IN A ALCOHOL RELATED CAR WRECK??? WHY CAN’T WE DO SOMETHING ABOUT KIDS AND DRINKING? THERE OUGHT TO BE A LAW!!!! How smart do you have to be to get this basic connection?

And your other articles are mindless as well - people with small children somehow all forget that there is an entire world out there that does not revolve around their interests.

By Carrie

January 3, 2006 12:50 PM | Link to this

Alcohol affects everyone differently dependent on size and body chemistry so it. Even though someone may not be at the legal limit they can still be impaired. Also, many people think they can drink more than they really can and since they don’t feel drunk they think they are okay to drive. Oprah did a show on a women’s night out group a few years ago. The did their weekly girl’s night out and then had them do sobriety tests and most of them failed even though they felt fine.

I realize it seems trite to say “Don’t Drink and Drive”, but someone isn’t listening because there are still many accidents etc that involve alcohol. Plus, I was saying that I wouldn’t drive my children after drinking any alcohol.

By Anne

January 3, 2006 12:55 PM | Link to this

Fa La La: you are indeed prescient.

Who would have expected that comments about the hardship of suburban motherhood, particularly those who have housekeepers and/or whose children spend their days in school, would be met with derision and contempt by those who work full time AND take care of the children, particularly those who have worked abroad and seen real hardship (versus the housekeeper canceling one week).

Rather than dismissing the comments of those who do not agree with you as a downer, consider them a reality check, a viewpoint unlikely to be brought forth at your suburban play dates or birthday parties at Chuck E Cheese. Yes, it surely is “dull� and “tedious� to be taken to task for using drinking as a way to relieve stress, but most people recognize this as one of the danger signs of alcoholism.

By Psycho Belle

January 3, 2006 12:59 PM | Link to this

Read the original post - Theresa said the groups in Snellville are not driving, just pushing the stroller up the street.

By Carrie

January 3, 2006 01:08 PM | Link to this

My original comment was in response to Jennifer’s question about the other mother who had a cup of red wine in her van while she drove her car around not in response to the cocktail parties. I would guess, though, that at least one of them drove after these parties even if it wasn’t to drive home, but to do errands or something an hour or so later.

By tamara

January 3, 2006 01:26 PM | Link to this

What Jennifer said about the wine brought back a sad memory for one of my daughters playmates. Her parents lived in a 350k house, had new cars, 4 wheelers and every other toy you could imagine. Everyone at school thought she was so lucky because they were considered rich. I noticed the mother always wore a light shade of sunglasses, mornings or nights, but I never really thought anything of it until she called me about a year later and said her husband left her while she was sleeping and took everything. Being the kind hearted self I am, I thought I would try to become friends with her and help her through her divorce since I had recently been through one myself. I visited her on a couple occasions and noticed that she too always had a glass of wine in her hand. As the story goes on we introduced her to a male friend of ours for a companion (big mistake I might add) and within a week he figured out a lot. Turned out she got over 2 million from her first husbands accident and spent it all within 8 yrs. She drank about 5 big bottles of wine every day and had bottles hidden all over the house. Her husband actually left her while she was passed out, not sleeping. The bank was foreclosing and she had not had a license to drive in 5 yrs. due to DUI’s. The children rarely made it to school on time if at all. DEFACS got involved and she nearly lost her children along with the house. Our friend got her moved into something she could half way afford but he couldn’t get her to stop drinking and hiding it. He brought her to our house on July 4th for a party we were having. She brought 2 bottles of wine, finished them off quickly and proceeded to drink 24 beers that we had stored in a cooler while we were not watching. She even drank the mouthwash in my bathroom (no kidding). When he tried to get her out of the house she went crazy and started breaking every thing in sight, so I stepped in to protect my things and we had a real fight going on. I hurt her pretty bad that night, but it’s been 4 years this July since she has taken a drink of anything. She can’t get all the money she blew back, but at least now she’s sober for her kids. In her case depression led her to drink and drinking led her to depression. Some people just are not cut out for drinking.

By jennifer

January 3, 2006 01:38 PM | Link to this

Tamara, it’s interesting you bring up such a point. I, too, feel this mother isn’t happy. I want to say that I have not spent a lot of time with her because her views are not mine and she is pretty harsh at pushing the whole ‘I’m a better mom than you because..’ thing on other people.

I have found that people who tend to believe they are better parents than someone else, for whatever reason, usually aren’t and need to clean themselves up before trying to tell someone else how to run their household.

I did find it very odd that she felt it was okay to tote around a plastic glass of wine. Couldn’t she have finished it off before leaving? It just doesn’t sit well with me. I’m sure it weighs on me more because of what I mentioned earlier: The fact that she tried to make me feel as if I am less of a mother because my children walk to school. They might walk to school but I don’t drag around a plastic cup of wine everywhere I go. I also do not get behind the wheel of a car after I have been drinking.

In the words of all three of my children in regards to this certain family, “Even the dog is weird, mom.” Does that say it all?

By tamara

January 3, 2006 01:49 PM | Link to this

My point exactly Jennifer. She was leading a double life and they both got past her. She too was considered the “primo” of the community and sneered upon others. I would keep an extra eye open regarding the mother your concerned about and the well being of her kids if you can. I wish I had noticed earlier so I could have helped her in a better way but she hid it so well. The children still suffer because of the way they were brought up but again this was a closet drunk we’re talking about, not a few ladies getting together once a week for a drink.

By jennifer

January 3, 2006 01:55 PM | Link to this

You know, I’ve been thinking about it and if I lived in Snellville I, too, might need a couple of drinks! LOL

Disclaimer: This was meant as a joke and only a joke.

By tamara

January 3, 2006 02:25 PM | Link to this

I live in Covington and it takes at least 3 for me…kiddin too…LOL

By MonkeyBoy

January 3, 2006 02:36 PM | Link to this

This is the GREATEST idea!!! Where do I sign up? I can imagine nothing finer than to be surrounded by a group of loopy soccer moms!! Send me an invitation please…

By jennifer

January 3, 2006 02:45 PM | Link to this

The biggest thing that makes me want a drink isn’t kids- it’s traffic! I work off of Howell Mill/Collier and I live in Midtown. The amount of idiots I encounter on my drive home is unreal. One of my favorite things to see is someone going under the speed limit on a city street but they stomp the gas to run the red light (only to continue going under the speed limit once past the light.)

It takes me approximately 10 minute to get to work (depending on the route I take) and at least 30 to get home. I realize some people have families they aren’t interested in going home to see but I have a family that I like to spend time with.

Now where’s my buttery nipple! (clarification: It’s a shot that tastes like butterscotch.)

And, MonkeyBoy, you sound loopy enough.

By Santa

January 3, 2006 02:48 PM | Link to this

GREAT IDEA !!! drink liquor, then get behind the wheel and drive your children around!!!!!!!

I bet you are the type of parents that take pictures of your kids asleep next to a bunch of empty beer cans, then show your friends….

typical behavior from your type

By Lil

January 3, 2006 02:48 PM | Link to this

Oh poor me, if I had to watch Teletubbies and sing bathtime songs instead of helping sick patients and holding the hand of someone who has just lost a loved one, I might need a drink too! What a horrible stressful life. Get over it.

By jennifer

January 3, 2006 02:51 PM | Link to this

I saw a picture with Santa laid out surrounded by beer cans. It was circulating through emails. Tisk, tisk, Santa.

By scruggs

January 3, 2006 03:01 PM | Link to this

We have something similar on our block where 5 or 6 families get together every Friday after work, order pizza, and the adults will drink. I enjoy getting to unwind while the kids get to play, but I haven’t decided how best to handle drinking in front of our son (now 2). I rarely drink (not morally opposed to it, but it doesn’t do much for me), but my husband will have only a few beers (and most of the other parents pound them). I don’t want to give our son the impression that good times are tied to drinking, but I don’t want it to be so mysterious that he is drawn to it, either. My husband grew up where he could have beers at his house during high school. I grew up where it was very verboten and a no-no. When I got to college, drinking was so new and exciting that I partied too much. I’d like to create a happy medium for our kid.

By Psycho Belle

January 3, 2006 03:14 PM | Link to this

Again, the key is moderation and responsibility. A group of moms getting together at a location within walking distance of their homes for a playdate with c-o-c-k-t-a-i-l-s does not equal a closet drunk or someone who drives kids around with an open container of an alcoholic beverage.

By kim

January 3, 2006 03:15 PM | Link to this

I feel great dissent for those who judge others without knowing a thing about them or their lives. It is ignorant and foolish and I too many times have done so in the past and have learned that most of the time I was wrong about someone. European countries have no drinking age limit and have much less of a problem with alcohol abuse than the US does and even less a problem with DUI’s. My parents drank like crazy and I saw every bit of it and didn’t like it as a kid. I was a competitive tennis player and focused on that, not on my parents ways, even though they taught us that drinking is an adult thing, what alchohol can do to you if you abuse it and to never drink and drive. I have a three year old and if she is curious about something, I explain what it is to her and if it is an alcoholic drink of mine she wants to try, I will let her have a lick and tell her that this is an adult drink and not so yummy for kids. It is just my belief that the less you condemn something to a child, the less curious they will be about it. Let me be clear on drugs for those of you who I know will bring this up. I have never done any, nor if my child was curious about it would I allow her to “try” them. I have always and will continue to ask her to never do anything that could harm herself, body or health and to always come to me with any questions she may have about anything. I am now going to plan one of these “C-O-C-K-T-A-I-L” playgroups as I think it sounds like a lot of fun. I rarely drink, my husband works late, I stay at home and do the cleaning, cooking, a lot of home repair stuff, handle all of our finances, and all other things that go with being a housewife and stay at home mom. But, that is not my excuse for wanting to do this. It just sounds like a lot of fun and a nice way that I would like to relax and enjoy the company of friends. Additionally, if a mom does get out of control, it takes a real friend to stop her, take care of her kids and not let her drive home. Be responsible for yourself and be a friend to others. Cheers!

By jennifer

January 3, 2006 03:17 PM | Link to this

I think you can drink responsibly around kids. Although I have to admit that I would most likely not attend a play date that has alcohol, but that’s just my personal opinion and I don’t hold it against anyone who wants to. Who am I to judge them?

I think if we tell kids the affects of alcohol it won’t be seen as something taboo. Tell them how it makes you feel if you drink too much and make sure they know that you are an adult and being an adult means you have certain priviledges that they, as children, do not. It’s really pretty simple, I think.

I can understand you’re not wanting the child(ren) to associate a good time with drinking alcoholic beverages so just be honest with them. Let them know you enjoy hanging out and having a glass of wine or two with friends but that you are always careful to not overdo it when they (the children) are present.

Kids have to learn the difference between adult activities and children’s activities. If they don’t like it then that’s really too bad. Plain and simple.

I have to admit, though, that I do not agree with the assumption that children should be able to drink at home (no matter how little it is). I think that is only condoning underage drinking and I’m obviously opposed to it. I do realize that kids, especially teens, will experiment with booze while at parties but that does not make it right and parents have to be responsible enough to hold them accountable for their actions.

By Trish

January 3, 2006 03:18 PM | Link to this

What type are you SANTA? Unreal how judgmental all you people can be. Anyone for prohibition? It is legal after all, moderation is the key and who said anything about driving afterward?!?!? Be honest with yourselves and your children.

By jennifer

January 3, 2006 03:20 PM | Link to this

Psst, Kim, alcohol is a drug.

By Psycho Belle

January 3, 2006 03:21 PM | Link to this

But it’s not something that sounds relaxing to me :-). And yes, I have been home for a stretch with small children (when I was on maternity leave after having my third, delivered by an emergency C-section during which I almost died), and it can be VERY stressful. I prefer to work full time outside the home. I don’t think I would have wanted to stay home after my kids started school, either, even if we hadn’t needed the income. I would have been bored out of my gourd!

By kim

January 3, 2006 03:24 PM | Link to this

Psst….Jennifer, a “legal” one, that is.

By Jenn

January 3, 2006 03:35 PM | Link to this

Wow, we really are a tagline society. We were told, “Don’t drink and drive,” so now people assume that so long as you’re not driving it’s ok to drink. I disagree.

Drinking alcohol impairs your judgement and slows your reaction time. Given that, it makes sense that you shouldn’t operate heavy machinery. It also makes sense that you shouldn’t do it when you are the primary person watching your young children.

I just think you’re asking for trouble by mixing the two. Give it time, and it will make news… some mother’s kid is going to drown in a toilet, fall off a deck, dart in front of a car, or some some such at one of these parties. The mother probably won’t be legally drunk, but then again, you don’t have to be drunk to be impaired by alcohol.

That said, I love the idea of Friday afternoon playgroups, and those will be quite useful when my kids give up their naps. The whole dynamic in my family unit changes when we have friends over/go to a friend’s house. That’s good enough for me—good food + good conversation + distracted kids = happy mommy.

By Nancy

January 3, 2006 03:40 PM | Link to this

If it weren’t for Sangria I wouldn’t get my daily recommended servings of fruit. - Just kidding LOL!

I did grow up in an atmosphere where there was lots of social drinking going on. After I turned 13, I was allowed 1 drink at every party my parents gave. I wasn’t allowed to leave and if I had a friend over that parent was told about the 1 drink limit and it was that parent’s decision on whether my friend could come or not. Still to this day I only drink a glass of wine/beer on special occasions. You just have to be responsible.

By Trish

January 3, 2006 03:45 PM | Link to this

When that kid darts out in front of a car and there are two parents neither of which are drunk, who are you going to blame then JENN? Oh and where are your kids while you are sitting in front of the computer???

By Carrie

January 3, 2006 03:46 PM | Link to this

The more I think about this subject the more uncomfortable I get with the whole idea. If both parents are there and one is drinking, but the other one is sober then I am okay with it. I just don’t like the idea of all the adult supervision drinking while caring for children. Of course, it is my problem if I am uncomfortable with it so I wouldn’t participate, but I wouldn’t tell others not to do it.

By Carrie

January 3, 2006 03:49 PM | Link to this

I don’t like the argument that my parents did it and I turned out fine, though. My parents smoked around us, but I would never do that (and they would kill me if I did do it) because now we know better. I would like to think that would pertain to alcohol, too.

By Joanne

January 3, 2006 03:49 PM | Link to this

Jenn, do you talk on the phone with your kid(s) around? Do you step out of the room to go to the bathroom without your child(ren)there. Do you ever get stressed out that your brain isn’t operating like it does under less stressful circumstances? Does your mood change from time to time. All of those things, too can put a child in danger. BTW, the news has already reported children being run over by cars, drowning in bathtubs, darting in front of a car and dying and these instances I am speaking of are not ones where the mother or father were drinking. Food for thought.

By Tamika

January 3, 2006 03:52 PM | Link to this

Somebody say Booze party

I am There!!!

By kim

January 3, 2006 03:53 PM | Link to this

Tamika…Booze party!!!! Hopefully, this Friday! Kids invited, too.

By jennifer

January 3, 2006 04:01 PM | Link to this

You know, it seems to me there are an awful lot of accidents that happen when neither parent is drinking. Accidents happen.

You can always say, “What if..” no matter what the situation.

I think Jenn is confusing the chill out time with an actual, all-out party. There is a difference. I’ve admited I most likely would not participate but I’m not putting down those who do or trying to make them feel guilty with my over-the-top what if’s.

My reason for not attending a get together like this is because I’ve been around a few moms who think they are in control when in fact they are not. Plus, what I see as responsible drinking someone else may have a completely different view on what responsible drinking is.

Case in point: Before the holidays a group of teachers got together for lunch and a few ordered drinks. One person in particular had two cosmos before asking what time it was. Once told they had about an hour before they had to leave she ordered another cosmo. Upon the revelation she had an hour left before having to leave she stated that she had to drive car pool that afternoon upon returning to the school.

Now, would any of you condone the way she was acting? My guess is probably not. I don’t know about you guys but three cosmopolitans would put most people into a state of impairment; especially if snarfed down over a period of just a couple of hours. Those things are strong!

Again, apparently what she considered responsible drinking is not what I would consider it.

Honestly, I’ve found it’s much easier to keep to myself than to try to be included in different groups. A lot of the mommy groups are PTA snobs (I know not all PTA mom’s are snobs but let’s say it like it is-there is a great portion of them that are) and cliques that were together in high school and college. Nothing changed but their age and they aren’t interested in allowing anyone ‘from the outside’ into their little playdate/drinking session.

I’ve tried to involve myself in different groups and I’ve found they usually think I’m too liberal and I think they’re too conservative. I believe in honesty when it comes to children and they believe ‘if you don’t see it it doesn’t happen.’ Sorry, but that’s a dangerous mindset to have. I also believe in being honest with children about sex and drugs whereas the other parents apparently like to pretend their child will partake in neither and, therefore, do not talk to their kids about any of it and treat sex like it’s dirty. No wonder there are so many sex crimes.

By Jenn

January 3, 2006 04:06 PM | Link to this

ok… let me try again.

a) my kids are asleep at the moment… if they’re awake when I’m online, they’re in their playroom, where I can keep an eye on them and where they are gated off from the rest of the house.

b) yes, I’m aware that stress, exhaustion, talking on the phone, etc., etc., can all endanger a child. The mere act of going to playgroup itself can be dangerous, given the distraction that the conversation provides. But, there’s a difference between being stressed (due to money problems, relationship problems, etc) or exhausted (who hasn’t been kept up all night by a crying baby?) than intoxicated/tipsy/drunk.

When you drink, you voluntarily impair your own judgement and slow your own reaction time…that just doesn’t sound like a wise idea to me.

c) yes, I read the news, and yes, I’ve heard countless tales of tragic accidents that don’t involve alcohol. In an earlier post I described two close calls that I’ve witnessed. Had either of those moms been drinking and slowed their own reaction time by say, 15-30 seconds, one child would have been hit by a car and the other would have drowned. Yes, there were other mothers around, but you can’t rely on them to watch your kids. At the the house, I was focused on my own kids and the lizard and at the pool, I was involved in a conversation while playing with my own daughter in the water…

I don’t have to BLAME someone if a child dies, and I truly don’t care if people drink. But, I do think you’re asking for trouble if you drink, even in moderation, when you are the one who is responsible for keeping a very awake, very active toddler safe. It’s all fun and games until somebody dies.

By Kat

January 3, 2006 04:06 PM | Link to this

Here’s how I “judge” whether having a drink is a good idea: would I “allow” my kids’ babysitter to have a drink (assuming she is of legal drinking age)? My answer is a resounding no. But, that is just one opinion, and I respect others for theirs.

By Jenn

January 3, 2006 04:17 PM | Link to this

I choose not to drink—partly because I’m trying to drop the rest of the baby weight :)—but I do remember what it’s like to drink. And no, I’m not confusing this concept with an all-out party.

Unless I’m wrong (Theresa? Anyone?), even having just one glass of wine can impair your judgement. I love playgroup, and it has the same feel as the one described, minus the alcohol. But I also remember the feeling that comes with that first drink… the relaxing of your mind and body, and it would be easy to slip into a “they’ll be fine…” mentality, not listen as closely, and take a bit longer to notice when you’re child, who’s off playing in another room, is a bit too quiet.

I’m not perfect, and I don’t claim to be by any stretch. Maybe I’m just sensitive to this topic because so many relatives are alcoholics. One thing I’ve learned through the years is to never trust the person who’s drinking to know when they’ve had enough…under the influence of alcohol, they may never be willing to admit that.

By Dsmooth

January 3, 2006 04:18 PM | Link to this

Good Night Ladies, going home to have a Hynotiq Mixed Drink, while the kids are taking their baths and getting ready for school tomorrow… they are 8, 9 and 10, nope, none of them will drown in the bathtub…It’ll take more than one drink to impair my judgement…. I can’t wait for our ONLINE Drink Party for FRIDAY!!!!

Have a good one

By Carrie

January 3, 2006 04:24 PM | Link to this

Jenn-I’m not comfortable with it either and we shouldn’t feel like prudes because we get a bad feeling. I’m not trying to tell anyone not to do it because you are all grown women who can make decisions for yourselves. I just know that there have been times when I thought I was fine, but woke up the next day and realized I wasn’t - and that was after 2 glasses of wine.

By jennifer

January 3, 2006 04:31 PM | Link to this

Dsmooth, out of curiosity what is a Hynotiq Mixed Drink?

By Jenn

January 3, 2006 04:36 PM | Link to this

Ah ha! Thanks Dsmooth, you tipped me off to something. I figured out one of the main reasons that this whole concept bugs me. It’s not the drinking in front of kids aspect; it’s the drinking while supervising toddlers part.

We’re not talking about a six year old (isn’t that the age?) who’s reached the age of reason and can, in many ways, fend for him/herself. We’re talking about drinking while supervising kids who ride in strollers and are still drinking out of sippy cups. There’s a HUGE difference.

To the mother of three who lives north of the city, enjoy your beers! Thank you for waiting until the kids are in bed before choosing to have a nightcap.

By Elizabeth

January 3, 2006 04:43 PM | Link to this

Jenn, I agree with you. I chose not to drink in front of my children when they were younger. They still needed me way too much. Now that they are 10, 8, and 7. I don’t see anything wrong with having a drink every once in a while as I’m making dinner. I love being a mother but I hate cooking. (I do so b/c I love my family and want them to be healthy)

By expectinginapril

January 3, 2006 05:21 PM | Link to this

My baby isn’t born yet, so I may change my mind in a year or two, but sure, the c-o-c-k-t-a-i-l parties mentioned don’t seem that bad, depending on what the kids are doing. If they’re sitting down and watching a Disney movie while the moms chill out, or playing with some toys (and old enough not to be putting things in their mouth where they might choke) in the same room, why not have a drink or 2 (assuming you’re not driving around later.) However, as previous posters have stated, alcohol DOES slow down your reaction time so I wouldn’t be drinking at a pool party or while kids were running around outside where they could run into the street or fall off the monkey bars or something.

As for everyone stressing out about drinking in front of their kids, I think you’re worrying a little too much. You definitely don’t want to get trashed in front of them, but I can remember my dad and my friends’ dad (who lived down the street) watching the game together and having a few beers. Sometimes our families would grill out burgers and our dads might have a beer together. (Not sure what our moms had) We didn’t grow up to be drunks…to us it was just another beverage choice —one we didn’t have any interest in when there was Kool Aid.

Of course our parents had the requisite talks with us when we were teens about drinking but it was pretty casual when we were little.

And by the way, I think one of the fastest ways to get a kid not to have any interest in drinking is let them have a sip of beer.

By p

January 3, 2006 05:46 PM | Link to this

COCKtail COCKtail COCKtail COCKtail COCKtail COCKtail COCKtail COCKtail COCKtail COCKtail COCKtail COCKtail COCKtail

By p

January 3, 2006 05:47 PM | Link to this

COCKKKKKK

By p

January 3, 2006 05:48 PM | Link to this

FOCKTAILLLLLL

By tamara

January 4, 2006 10:15 AM | Link to this

NO new bloggers today? LOL everyone went home and had 3 c-o-c-k-t-a-i-l-s and running a little behind this AM. I opened that chilled bottle of champain last night and asked my 14 yr. old if would turn her into a drunk by me doing it in front of her and man did I get a strange “huh” look. Then she asked to taste it and spit it out real quick while saying that’s nasty. Wonder what she’d think of beer if sweet champain is nasty to her.

By Dsmooth

January 4, 2006 02:14 PM | Link to this

Jennifer… I purchase Hypnotiq from the liquor store and mix it with Tropicana Orangeade or Cranberry Juice….

By jp

January 4, 2006 03:09 PM | Link to this

lets go KOCKERSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS

By jp

January 4, 2006 03:11 PM | Link to this

COCKSS for all here!!

By jill

January 4, 2006 06:02 PM | Link to this

well girls it’s a beautiful afternoon i think it’s time to go call my neighbor and invite her over and go sit on the deck and have a cold beer before dinner. I don’t see anything wrong with having a play date for the kids and serving adult beverages as long as there is no driving involved and the moms are still able to watch their children. I know parents who don’t watch their children when their sober never mind if they’ve been drinking. be nice to each other and like theresa said she has never attended one of these parties and was just wondering what we thought about them so let’s not be too judgementle on others for their opinions