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The year has barely begun, and in just three weeks you have already missed Dance to Nothing Day, Give Up Day and Tie a Mask Around Your Eyes Day.

Or maybe you did all three activities anyway and just didn't coordinate with the properly designated day. It happens.

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Bob Powers
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But there is much to look forward to. Hold It All in Day is Jan. 29, although for some people every day is Hold It All in Day.

And pencil in for May 7: When You Finally Get Up to Close the Drapes, You'll Realize That a Classroom Full of Children Has Been Watching You Cry for the Past 20 Minutes Day. Come on, you know who you are.

Welcome, with some trepidation, to the off-kilter and frequently dark world of comedian Bob Powers. For several years, he's been making up weird fake holidays, first on his blog (www.girlsarepretty.com) and now in his new book, "Happy Cruelty Day: Daily Celebrations of Quiet Desperation" (St. Martin's Press, $15.95)

"I often describe the book as a sort of pop psychology self-help manual written by someone who's clearly unhinged," Powers said in a telephone interview. His stand-up comedy, which he calls "dark and odd" and "long-winded," doesn't pay the bills, so he works researching clients for a New York bank.

To some extent, Powers said, he's mocking our tendency to make every day a special holiday in some way. Chase's Annual Events, a thick book that tracks all sorts of "officially" designated days, weeks and months, notes that Tuesday is National Handwriting Day and Wednesday, National Compliment Day.

Powers' faux holidays are assembled in chronological order, and each one has a brief explanation that's sometimes like a very short story.

"It belongs in the bathroom," he said, apparently in reference to its few-minutes-at-a-time reading structure. Although given Powers' sometimes risque topics, maybe he meant something else.

The days span a wide range.

• Childlike and innocent: Puppy the Guppy Day (April 24); Powdered Cream Donuts Day (Nov. 21)

• Depraved: She's Locked in the Meat Locker Day (March 6): Bathroom Stall Graffiti Day (May 13).

• Seemingly normal: Pop Open a Bottle of Champagne Day (Feb. 12); Outlet Shopping Day (March 15)

• Deeply strange: Take a Pottery Class in Hopes That Your Real Father Will Be the Instructor Day (Feb. 25); Your New Robotic Arm Day (July 13).

Actually, the depraved and deeply strange tend to outnumber the innocent and normal.

And what is today? It's Read an Article on Happy Cruelty Day, of course.