By Critic

February 12, 2008 11:19 AM | Link to this

I would like to have been a fly on the wall to hear what happened! While I’ve never experienced anything like that, my gut reaction made me think that if it did ever happen, it would be grounds to get up and walk out.

By One

February 12, 2008 11:47 AM | Link to this

The waiter is there to serve, nothing else!! And after telling him where to put his opinion, yes, leave immediately. Never, ever, order/eat food after you’ve had altercations with the staff!!! You’ll get all kinds of treats!!!

By Critic

February 12, 2008 11:56 AM | Link to this

Oh yes, ONE is right! I didn’t even think about all the freebies.

By Diner

February 12, 2008 2:51 PM | Link to this

Get over yourself. Servers are people with opinions too, and I’m sure that he didn’t intend to embarrass you in front of your guests. I’m sure that it was probably a witty quip and you were too busy “trying not to reveal your identity” to appreciate it. You’re not a celebrity.

By Fellow Diner

February 12, 2008 2:51 PM | Link to this

Get over yourself. Servers are people with opinions too, and I’m sure that he didn’t intend to embarrass you in front of your guests. I’m sure that it was probably a witty quip and you were too busy “trying not to reveal your identity” to appreciate it. You’re not a celebrity.

By West Cobb Dad

February 12, 2008 2:54 PM | Link to this

For the most part, the role of waiter/ess is a simple one for me. Greet and take drink order, come back with drink order and take food order. Come by and check if food is taking longer than expected (15 min+). Come by about 5-10 minutes later and check to see if everything is okay. Clear table when done ask if desert desired or drinks or check. IF all of that is done (which is standard), look for a 20-25% tip from me (if not more if the drinks and food were exceptional). Do NOT interject into conversation unless asked. I had one waitress overhear the wife’s and I conversation about a friend’s possible abortion. Her comment of “she is going to hell if she does that” pretty much killed the evening. We paid for the drinks and left.

By ESR

February 12, 2008 2:59 PM | Link to this

I have never heard of you, millions have never heard of Meridith Ford. He probably thought of you as just another table and being a professional, he might have assumed your party to be cheap tippers. Were you wearing cheaply made shoes? Six entries on your blog, hmmmmm…don’t look for that star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame any time soon.

By Rod

February 12, 2008 3:10 PM | Link to this

You said: “he piped up a politically correct slap on the wrist in my direction…”

So, you mean that you said something considered by most people to be rude or socially unacceptable - then you got p** when someone called you on it? What? Get over yourself.

If I’m a waiter and I come over and you’re talking about “those disgusting f*” or “those filthy ni*rs” (or any another nasty word for a demographic group), then yeah, I’ll speak up too.

Just because you’re at a restaurant and my job is to serve you food, does not mean that you have the right to subject me to your personal hatred or bias and expect me to keep quiet on it.

By bitter servers

February 12, 2008 3:16 PM | Link to this

For the most part the service I get is excellent, the servers very gracious, and I haven’t noticed any inappropriate comments. I do think serving - as in any profession - has its share of angry individuals with attitudes (see bitterwaitress.com.). When I was a teenager on a summer resort trip with my best friend and her parents, the elevator operator made a snide comment about my friend’s weight just as the door was closing after we had exited with our voluminous luggage as we were leaving to go home. She was just trying to be friendly by saying, “We travel heavy.” To which he said, “Well you’d better lose some of it before you go back to school.” That was a very long time ago and I’ve never forgotten how hurtful it was to my friend.

By Capt

February 12, 2008 3:18 PM | Link to this

Who the h**l is Meridith Ford??

By Steve

February 12, 2008 3:20 PM | Link to this

Nah, waiters aren’t people. They are robots to be ordered around. They have no souls. They are pod people.

God, this is the DUMBEST thread I’ve seen in AJC in a long time…

So the waiter communicated with you. Wow, get over it.

By Capt

February 12, 2008 3:20 PM | Link to this

Ha Ha Ha Ha…I just googled Meridith Ford and got about 5 Ford Dealership hits….Meridith must be really needing to “hide my identity”…what an ego maniac

By professional distance

February 12, 2008 3:23 PM | Link to this

I think it’s a human tendency to want to jump into other people’s conversation; we all want to get into the act and express our opinions. It happens at work all the time and I don’t think it’s considered good etiquette. I think it would be inappropriate for a server. They’re not exactly a friend or a member of the family. They should keep a professional distance. But I’m sure at times it’s hard for them not to say something.

By kalalu

February 12, 2008 3:36 PM | Link to this

i am a server and once while waiting on a table someone mentioned something about ‘filthy hispanics’ and asked me my opinion, for some reason assuming that i would agree. Except that I am hispanic. So I didn’t keep silent. I said to the customer,”I’m hispanic and I don’t think I’m filthy.” Then i didn’t go back over to the table for the rest of the night. I told my boss that they were his problem now. And who are you anyway, ms. Ford, that you need to keep your identity a secret? You’re not even a quasi-celebrity. I can’t believe you would be offended that someone was offended by your unacceptable comment enough to write a stupid blog about it.

By Bill

February 12, 2008 3:48 PM | Link to this

I’m sort of surprised at the opinions here. Seems to me that, for a professional waiter, the idea is to provide service and stay out of the way. That in no way makes it OK to make offensive remarks. But, even then, a truly professional waiter would have kept in the background (unless, of course, the remarks were intended to hurt him and then he could be excused if he asked to be assigned to another table).

Maybe I’m showing my age here. But - in my book - there should be no debate at all on a question like this. The waiter does not - unless invited - engage in chit chat with the customers (exceptions allowed, I guess, at the Waffle House).

By Miss

February 12, 2008 3:51 PM | Link to this

As a server for ~15 years, what to do when a guesy wants to know my name? I don’t want them to know me, either. I aim to be a witty when appropriate, attentive, faceless being who takes your order, brings you food & drink and then disappears. In the last several weeks, I’ve had several people ask my name and proceed to trumpet out at every opportunity. Really, just call me “miss”.

By Starstruck

February 12, 2008 3:51 PM | Link to this

Well said, Fellow Diner, Steve and Capt. I can’t believe I’m actually reading a celebrity blog and writing about it, Miss Ford. Thank you for this amazing opportunity to be so close to a star.

I honestly can’t believe that this has been published on the AJC blog. Seriously, saying something “would have called too much attention to my identity” is freaking hilarious. Who do you think you are?

By muffin

February 12, 2008 3:52 PM | Link to this

Checking back a few blog entries I think i found the quote and i didn’t see people up in arms about it in the comments section on that post.

I’ll stick up for Ms. Ford because I think she’s being misunderstood. She said she was relaying a the QUOTE that was contained in a story she was telling. she was not expressing her own personal politically incorrect opinion. Essentially the waiter was eavesdropping and heard the quote out of context. Also the fact that Ms. Ford is a dining critic usually calls for her to not reveal her idenity. Everyone ease up on the reins and relax a little.

I for one would have calmly explained to the waiter that he did not hear the phrase in the proper context and maybe he should mind his own business. and then i would have a word with the manager to explain the situation. then i would leave.

By Sheena

February 12, 2008 3:53 PM | Link to this

I don’t think this post has anything to do with “who Meridith Ford is.” It has to do with a someone butting into her conversation at dinner (without invitation). Seeing as we do not know the exact quote used in the conversation, how can one assume that it is a racist remark? In response to the actual post, I agree that it was unprofessional for the waiter to comment when uninvited.

By COMMON COURTESY

February 12, 2008 4:06 PM | Link to this

“Our waiter was pouring wine and seemed completely anonymous until he piped up a politically correct slap on the wrist in my direction for what I was talking about.”

On the converse side of your question, if you are discussing politically incorrect subjects in a public venue, wouldn’t one cease the conversation when another person approached out of common courtesy? Could you have not curtailed the conversation until after he poured the wine and vacated the area? Or do you feel that since you earn a living in a public forum and you are paying for services at this establishment that you are exempt from showing common courtesies to your fellow human…that is acceptable for you to subject him to hearing phalacies that offend him?

I would have to agree with most of the other posters here…you are a tad-bit full of yourself and apparently more so offensive to others than you yourself realize.

By iLovethecastesystem

February 12, 2008 4:33 PM | Link to this

I honestly can’t believe servers.

There is a reason they are called servers … they are there to be your servant — nothing else. The notion that some of these people have on this thread that — servers are people … “with opionions” is ludicrous in the least.

I’ve been a big fan of the a recent restaurant opening in Buckhead — “The good ole’ days”. All of the servers there are required to wear muzzles and are not allowed to make eye contact with any of the patrons. All customers are taken to and from their cars in a handpulled rickshaw. There is also the option of not only punishing the server for inappropriate behavior by leaving no tip, but you can actually choose the number of lashes they should receive at the end of the night.

I suggest the poster visit.

They will find the complete freedom to make as many inappropriate comments as desired and with never the slightest fear of being engaged by a server who has forgotten their place in society.

Thanks so much for bringing this much important issue to our attention.

By artatlarge

February 12, 2008 4:49 PM | Link to this

Hey, ILoveTheCasteSystem…server doe s not mean “servant.” Period. If you had called me a “servant” while I was waiting on you, I would have dropped a pot of fresh coffee on your lap, and then claimed it was an accident. Treat a server like a “servant” and you’ll eventually get what you deserve.

By FCM

February 12, 2008 4:52 PM | Link to this

I think it depends largely on where you were dining….In many casual dining areas it is quite common and even expected that the waitstaff engage in coversation with the patrons. It is largely expected at some not so casual places.

So he had opinion. SO WHAT. The thing is the AJC had “Waiters should stay quiet” on their main page…I KNEW who wrote it…Elizabeth Lee has more class in her keyboard than you Ms. Ford.

By bitterwaitress.com

February 12, 2008 5:05 PM | Link to this

This is deteriorating. I think castesystem was merely attempting sarcastic humor. As I said, check out bitterwaitress.com.

By Wit

February 12, 2008 5:06 PM | Link to this

Artatlarge, Ilovethecastesystem agrees with you. He was being sarcastic and pointing out how condescending the blogger was being. She’s acting like servers are servants and should be muzzled.

By OK you Snobs

February 12, 2008 5:08 PM | Link to this

Some of you elitist corporate nerds may think you own the world when going out to a nice restaurant, but keep in mind, some waiters are young and have college degrees working on getting the right job. They are not scum. Bet you waited on tables in your early 20’s or worked retail, eh? Some of you bloggers, quit throwing you egos around, b/c no one cares about your agenda. I do believe that a waiter should be silent. I am there to have a meal with my table, not the waiter and the rest of the staff. Butting into any conversation is simply RUDE, anywhere. If you are a good waiter, you know your money depends on tips, so do your job and do it well. I am a corporate person, but I don’t think waiters are the bottom barrel of professions. Most of us did it at one time, or may do it again, with this crazy economy we have, so don’t count it out! BTW, the word, servant went out many years ago. I guess you think “plantations” still exist, ha!

By iLovethecastesystem

February 12, 2008 5:14 PM | Link to this

sat·ire
–noun 1. the use of irony, sarcasm, ridicule, or the like, in exposing, denouncing, or deriding vice, folly, etc.

Compliments of www.dictionary.com

By Noelle

February 12, 2008 5:34 PM | Link to this

While I don’t think servers have to be “silent,” I do think this server was incredibly rude to rebuke you directly. If he was truly offended by something you said, he should have gone to a manager to report the comment and request to change tables with another server.

I wouldn’t have responded to him, but I would’ve spoken to a manager after dinner.

By Steve

February 12, 2008 6:16 PM | Link to this

Meredith dearey, if you said something rude and inconsiderate the waiter probably got annoyed with your bullish, uncooth, arrogant behavior. Whether he was right or wrong to say anything is neither here nor there. If you say something highly offensive and annoying in public, expect someone to confront you on it….even your waiter.

By Charles

February 13, 2008 8:25 AM | Link to this

From some of your earlier comments in the AJC I’m sure it was Liberally biased. I always challenge ignorant comments by the Left - no matter who or where they are uttered.

By Kat

February 13, 2008 8:41 AM | Link to this

With regards to her identity, I fully agree that it is important that a food critic maintain one’s anonymity. It is the only way to continue to remain objective with reviews. I did not get the impression that she was saying she was a celebrity in any way; in fact, an anonymous critic is unable to flaunt any celebrity that one might attribute to her. Having said that, I hear off-color remarks at work, at shops, in dressing rooms and other “public” places. I believe in free speech, so even if I don’t agree with it, I don’t comment about it because a) I don’t feel that anything I might say would change anyone’s mode of thinking, b) I may have missed an important point, such as “can you believe so-and-so said this?” and c) I don’t like to be thought of as an eavesdropper. Society will not be destroyed by the comments of one person at a restaurant. The first amendment sees to that.

By jr

February 13, 2008 10:39 AM | Link to this

Being in the old school of food business we were always taught the best waiter was one you did not hear or see. To some extent that still happens in Europe and other parts of the world also in very high end hotels and restaurants in America where one has a very high profile clientele. In the case of the smaller and more casual restaurants in America I feel it is expected of the waiter to be friendly and informal. Unfortunately there is a thin line between rude and informality. On ocassion the waiter may make a mistake and comment in the wrong place at the wrong time, cut him some slack he was opinionated, also his attack was not personal. Some of the local restaurants we visit once or twice a week the waiter is more a friend you have come to see than a waiter. Meredith I also feel if he had agreed with your quote you might not have even noticed the intrusion. Regarding you trying to keep your annonimity is like saying you were trying to keep you job a necessity so Iam not sure what the others are so upset about they do not seem to understand that it affects your effectiveness as a restaurant critic.

By aeiger from Atlanta GA.

February 13, 2008 4:54 PM | Link to this

Hi I agree with you that a waiters personal opinion is both uncalled for and irrelevant. When we are having a meal in europe, it continues to amaze me the invisablilty of the waitperson. I also resent being asked if I want dessert while the main course is still being eaten. Truthfully, I don’t care what the waitpersons name is either nor do i want them sitting down at the table to take my order. So there! Thanks for great columns.

By aeiger from Atlanta GA.

February 13, 2008 4:54 PM | Link to this

Hi I agree with you that a waiters personal opinion is both uncalled for and irrelevant. When we are having a meal in europe, it continues to amaze me the invisablilty of the waitperson. I also resent being asked if I want dessert while the main course is still being eaten. Truthfully, I don’t care what the waitpersons name is either nor do i want them sitting down at the table to take my order. So there! Thanks for great columns.

By jay t.

February 13, 2008 5:03 PM | Link to this

ms. ford must think she is ruth reichl. not quite. this is still not a food town, and food critics here are viewed for what they are, wannabees.

By muffin

February 14, 2008 9:18 AM | Link to this

i think instead of bitterwaitress.com some of these posters need to visit bittercommenters.com. i would not have thought this blog topic would stir up the ire of so many posters.

By me

February 14, 2008 3:53 PM | Link to this

I believe it is the person and not the topic that has rallied the troops to arms.

By Darin

February 14, 2008 3:55 PM | Link to this

Dear Insanely Bitter Posters,

By restaurantman

February 18, 2008 1:29 PM | Link to this

I have worked in restaurants my whole life. I love working in them, and engaging myself with the customers. I have personally waited on Ms. Ford, as well as, the former food critic. For the most part, we all know who you are, so you don’t need to hide your identity from us. I feel interjecting conversation with guest is a very important part in a server’s job. Also, it is important to know when to interject one’s opinion. Only the server and the people at the table actually know what was said, and it is nice of Ms. Ford to leave such details out. I have made a very good living serving tables and now managing them in Buckhead. I have had “actual celebrities” not care about putting my two cents in, and the people saying they would have just walked out is ridiculous. Go back to McDonalds or just ask the manager when you sit at a table that you want no interaction from your server. I can promise you will not get any. Not one server goes to a table thinking the guest what nothing more than a “servant” or “slave” waiting on them. If it wasn’t for them, Ms. Ford wouldn’t have a job to write crappy reviews and blogs. Next time get take out and serve it to yourself.

By meridith ford

February 18, 2008 4:09 PM | Link to this

Whew! What a banter! For the record: 1. I was quoting something that the waiter overheard out of context. 2. I try to be anonymous even when I know the waitstaff knows I am a critic. It’s what my job requires of me. 3. If I’m a celebrity, then I really want some payback — where’s my $3,000 basket of goodies? I’m really just a single mom trying to make a living….

By Don't Scold Me, Bro

February 20, 2008 8:43 AM | Link to this

It’s one thing to have some lighthearted banter with your server - however - I certainly would not want to be scolded by a waiter in front of my dinner companions. I would definitely speak up and let him know that it wasn’t appreciated, immediately cancel my order, ask for the manager to explain why, pay for only what I already consumed, and leave absolutely no tip.

By Buy Cialis Online

February 23, 2008 9:56 AM | Link to this

Hi, nice post. I couldn’t understand some parts of the article but it sounds interesting.. Continue writing…

By petula

February 25, 2008 10:26 AM | Link to this

when i go out to dinner, i’m not going out for a meal with my companion and a third person who is a stranger and serving my food to me. it is not the server’s job to “banter” with me. pleasantries are fine of course but it’s the customer’s place to decide if they want to engage with the server or not. most people going out for a meal are trying to spend some quality time and have a conversation with their dinner companion(s). That’s kind of hard to do if you have a third wheel barging in on your conversation the entire meal. there is a fine line that can easily be crossed. Most people do not like to be fussed over, they want to eat, drink and talk with their table mates and that’s it.

By allserv

February 25, 2008 12:58 PM | Link to this

to all the people who said they want a faceless server, there are just as many guests who go out of their way to make conversation with the waistaff…and in places that are tourist attractions, guests enjoy blabbing to someone about themselves. People want to talk about themselves…they want listeners..not an active conversation. The greatest server/bartender is the one who listens. Everyone has been on both sides of the guest experience a) a server who talks too much and makes inappropriate comments and is too casual b) the one that is too quiet

ps my husband waits on ms ford quite a bit and has nothing but wonderful things to say about her- and he is quite critical.

the TGIF bartenders in Alpharetta are the most annoying, inappropriate staff if all time. And i bet someone on here would agree

Cheers et Salut!

By Ally

February 25, 2008 4:29 PM | Link to this

Well I had a similiar incident. I do not eat pork for health reasons. As I was sitting with my boyfriend trying to decide what to order and asking the waitress about the various vegatable dishes…I asked her which items contained pork (Since moving to the South, I realized that some vegetables items are seasoned and cooked with pork) So as I decided that I would just have a salad as my vegetable..She went on and on about how pork wouldn’t kill me and that “you know you ougta eat you some pork girl” I was so outdone by that I couldn’t say a word. I never mentioned to her that I did not eat pork for health reasons because I shouldn’t have to and for her to have said that and go on and on was too much. I did leave her a tip though..I wrote on a piece of paper along with the bill..”confucious says, no investigation..no right to speak” I hope she spent it wisely..

By DarkeAyngel

February 25, 2008 6:35 PM | Link to this

Imagine if you will a prison, where you’re allowed to wander free, but as punishment, have to put up with every petty idosyncrasy that humanity can invent. Extra sides of dressing; a medium-rare steak that doesn’t have any “blood”, being left a 9% tip because people “have to give God 10%, and shouldn’t have to give a man more.” You stay on their feet for long periods of time, are actually lifting and carrying more than the people at the table, and still, you want to make both your and their experience more enjoyable.

You want to see a true slice of humanity - wait tables.

Let’s get to the heart of the matter - the server said something that made you look stupid, and the only way you knew how to handle it was to lash out at him with whatever tool was at your disposal.

Don’t worry about it. People like you come into restaurants all the time.

By meridith ford

February 26, 2008 11:48 AM | Link to this

On the contrary, darkeayngel, the server said something that was incredibly rude. Just because you put in a hard day’s work doesn’t give you the right to be rude. If I wanted lash out, I would have put his and the restaurant’s name on the blog post.