Home > Table Talk > Archives > 2008 > November > 17 > Entry
Dude, Where’s My Food?
The Atlanta Journal-Constitution
A few years ago, the publishing world was a flutter with “guy” cookbooks — the kind that teach a dude how to do more than just open a can of tuna. Some, like “The Guy Can’t Cook,” are designed for the sort of man who thinks cooking is the heat-and-ingredient equivalent of a vasectomy. Others, like “Dude Food: Recipes for the Modern Guy,” explore beyond peanut butter and jelly to a realm where, though not of Martha’s standards, certainly help elevate the average Joe to a Jean-Georges.
This all became more interesting to me after a recent conversation with my husband, who — before marrying me — was single for close to 15 years. It’s dawned on me that while I thought he married me because he thought I was cute, things may actually have slanted my way because I can cook. Dang. And while I’ve had lots of ideas for cookbooks over the years, never has the idea of a guy cookbook entered my mind — until now.
I was stunned as he relayed over breakfast recently the creative process by which he used to eat. Clever dishes, perfect for the single guy, with little or no heat or clean up involved. Things that could be mixed together and eaten from the can or jar. Dishes that use only three ingredients. One bowl mixes that utilize nothing but water and a spoon for combining. Brilliant. Absolute genius. Even more of a miracle, his dishes are made sans microwave. He didn’t own one. I can’t wait to get the proposal written so I can send his recipes off to a publisher ASAP.
While we’re waiting, here are a few of his creations. Feel free to share. And send me your or your guy’s ideas, too.
His first dish goes by no name, but doesn’t really need one, either:
1 can Vienna sausages
1 liberal squirt (to taste) of Texas Pete hot sauce
Method: Open the can, squirt the hot sauce over the sausages, close the lid, shake, open, eat. Fork optional. Tips and comments: “You’ll have to sacrifice one sausage to get the others out whole.”
Tuna Noodle Pea
This dish requires that whoever is cooking knows how to cook a pound of egg noodles.
1 pound egg noodles
1 can tuna, it doesn’t matter what kind
1 pound frozen English peas
Method: Cook the pasta according to the package directions (see above). Drain the pasta. Open the can of tuna and drain the water from it. Dump the tuna and peas onto the hot pasta. Stir. Tips/comments: “Don’t worry about pre-thawing the peas — the heat from the noodles will warm them up enough.”
Big Guns
This recipe requires an oven and the ability to turn it on.
1 package Bisquick baking mix
1 package hot dogs
Mix the Bisquick with water according to the package directions. Spread half the mixture on the bottom of a baking dish (“it doesn’t matter what size”). Place the hot dogs over the mixture, then spread the remaining half over the hot dogs. Bake until golden brown. Tips/comments: “I was drunk when I named this dish. I was drunk every time I ate it, too.”
Permalink | Comments (17) | Post your comment | Categories: Dining
Comments
By Stan
November 17, 2008 2:58 PM | Link to this
That sounds like what most guys first learn to “cook”. I have never cared for Vienna sausages though the tune noodle pea thing is very similar to something my wife and I have made for years, though we added cream of shroom soup and sometimes shredded cheese.
The “Big Guns” sounds tasty but could be improved with cheese, diced onion, maybe some peppers, and maybe mix up some ketchup and yellow mustard spead it below the dogs…and top it with chili mmmm I might have to try something with that…
By Tigger
November 17, 2008 3:20 PM | Link to this
Peanut butter sandwiches and Campbell’s chicken noodle soup drank right out of the can got me through college, no heating required.
And while it is said that the way to a man’s heart is his stomach.., believe me when I tell you that men would much rather have sex every night than eat your good cooking ever night. Unless of course, your really, really bad in bed.
By JJ
November 17, 2008 3:31 PM | Link to this
As a single gal, I find it VERY SEXY when a man knows his way around a kitchen. I’m looking for that man right now. A man that can cook and knows what to do is SEXY……
I LOVE it when a man knows how to cook. I love being in the kitchen. I love when the two of us can create something in the kitchen.
Sundays were meant for football and something simmering on the stove.
By Becky
November 17, 2008 4:15 PM | Link to this
My husband’s way of cooking is to pick a restaurant to go to..I love to cook & I’m a pretty good cook, so we do eat at home a lot..
By Matt
November 17, 2008 4:24 PM | Link to this
Hamburger Helper and fast food got me through the first year of living by myself, but you can only eat Wendy’s so often before you just get sick of it.
I may not be a gourmet chef, but I can turn on the stove, oven, and grill, and use them to make an actual meal. And my wallet is much happier for it.
By Mike D
November 17, 2008 4:37 PM | Link to this
Those recipes sound like they were designed for someone slightly retarded. I haven’t eaten anything like any of those three recipes since I was a freshman in college. I cook dinner at our house about four nights a week and the food I prepare is far more interesting and healthy than anything my wife makes.
By dawgdan
November 17, 2008 4:39 PM | Link to this
I’m a man who is very proud of his cooking skills. This weekend, I made a rotisserie chicken, steamed broccoli, and a savory bacon dressing made with homemade cream biscuits (test to see if it was good enough to serve on Thanksgiving Day - it was, but required too much work on a day when ten other dishes are being prepared). OK, so I cheated on the rotisserie chicken and bought it from Publix. :)
But my wife always vouches for me when I say I can cook. I can make a roux, and I know how to deglaze a pan. But I really consider myself an expert on the grill and smoker. You want medium-rare, I give you textbook medium-rare. You want slow-cooked barbecue, I can do that too.
I’ve never viewed food as sustenance, but a true expression of the maker. I take a lot of pride in cooking. :)
By Meridith Ford
November 17, 2008 5:29 PM | Link to this
Mike D: Don’t make me come over there and beat you up for that retarded comment. Didn’t your mother teach you anything?
By joe
November 17, 2008 6:11 PM | Link to this
If the dude has to cook, can the dudette mow the lawn? Clean the gutters? Fix the sink? Wash the car? I’m not categorizing these as his-vs-hers jobs, but why all of a sudden do guys have to do more just because women work? Divide it up and share responsibility. Play to your strengths. And JJ, I find it SEXY when a woman can pay the bills and clean the house.
By JJ
November 18, 2008 8:18 AM | Link to this
Well Joe Maybe you and I should get together. I can balance a check book, pay the bills, do ALL the yard work, keep a clean house, raise a child by myself, and COOK!!!! What do you think about that? Sexy enough for ya?
I can bring home the bacon and cook it up in a pan 1,000 different ways.
By Dink
November 18, 2008 8:55 AM | Link to this
JJ thats sexy enough for me. If Joe’s not interested. I am. LOL
By Meg
November 18, 2008 11:24 AM | Link to this
Big Guns and Vienna Sausages. I think there is a whole man-cookbook just on those two ‘food groups’ alone!!
One very important thing to remember; Hot Tuna is MUSIC, not FOOD.
By Meg
November 18, 2008 11:30 AM | Link to this
ps - SQUIRT
By Meg
November 18, 2008 11:30 AM | Link to this
ps - SQUIRT
By mr man
November 18, 2008 12:25 PM | Link to this
i like to cook, but am not a cook. your husb IS a cook. being innovative is the key. maybe i need to spend more late hours at the euclid yacht club for inspiration
By ReservoirDAWG
November 19, 2008 3:49 PM | Link to this
Those recipes are god awful sounding. I agree with Mike. JJ sounds like a good woman, if only I weren’t married!
By Robo
November 21, 2008 10:33 AM | Link to this
Dang, Meredith, I’ve tried to get MG to embrace the idea of cooking as fun, but he is a stubborn boy. At least he knows how to wash and dry.