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Finding love on the Internet
The Atlanta Journal-Constitution
His wife and best friend of 16 years wanted a divorce.
It left Jerry Robb devastated. He found himself “out there” again, dating.
One day his office manager at the time suggested he look for romance on the Internet. Robb cringed. The only thing he thought he’d find in cyberspace were fruitcakes and nuts. He’d read horrific stories about Internet weirdos.
“I had read blurbs about stalkers or somebody getting raped,” he told me.
But his employee didn’t let up. She compared online dating to airplane mishaps. The planes that take off and land without incident never make the news; the ones that crash or have mechanical difficulties do. With most things, you only hear about the tragedies, she told him. That made sense to Robb of Duluth, so he registered at some singles Web sites. His perceptions about Internet dating and the type of women he’d meet did a 360.
“I assumed there were a bunch of derelicts online, ” he said. “But it wasn’t.”
Robb’s experience with cyberdating inspired him to pen a manuscript - “Finding Love on the Internet.” It’s a how-to guide on Internet dating that tackles the subject in less than 100 pages. The guide, which he plans to self-publish and market, is chocked full of advice on everything from safety to interpreting E-mails.
Early on, he addresses computer literacy, discussing hardware, cable hook-up and expenses. Then he moves onto Internet singles Web sites, membership fees and profile writing.
The heart of the book, though, are the personal stories. Robb interviewed about 300 men and women from across the country who were willing to share their experiences with services such as Matchmaker.com. Their names have been changed to protect their privacy.
“Faintofheart” from Minneapolis told Robb a story about a woman he’d talked to via E-mail and on the cell phone. One day, he asked if she’d like to meet for coffee. The woman declined because of a rule: Before meeting anyone, she had to exchange at least 15 E-mails and have five phone calls. “Faintofheart” never talked to her again.
Robb says the target audience for his book are singles who are 40 and older. They’ve probably been married for a number of years when they suddenly find themselves single. They get back into the dating game but are uncomfortable trying to find Mr. or Miss Right in a bar or through blind dates set up by friends.
“I think the Internet is the best place to go for people over 40,” said Robb, 61. “But you have to remember there are good people and bad people. You might get an E-mail that’s insulting or something like that. But all you have to do is delete the E-mail and block the sender.”
Robb hasn’t found love on the Internet yet. But he’s made life-long friends.
“Whatever it took for us to have a relationship wasn’t there, but I have five or six very good friends who would not be my friend if it wasn’t for the Internet,” he said. “There is not a lot to lose in trying Internet dating. You meet some interesting people.” Jerry Robb can be reached at Jrobb3328@aol.com.
Rick Badie updates his blog daily. Readers can discuss the people, places, events and topics he writes about may post comments online or contact Badie directly. He can be reached at 770-263-3875 or via e-mail: rbadie@ajc.com.
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Comments
By reader
August 17, 2008 12:41 PM | Link to this
My sister met her husband online. They had a lot in common, lived within a few miles of one another, but would have never met each other had it not been for the internet. They were meeting people thru friends and co-workers. Obviously, no one in her “network” knew anyone in his. Both had been married previously, but single for many years, with grown children. Neither was looking for marriage. They celebrated their 5th anniversary on Jan. 1.
By Katie
August 17, 2008 2:28 PM | Link to this
There are people everywhere, the grocery store, gas stations, libraries—you name it and people will be there. Why can’t people meet face to face anymore?? Why do people have to hide behind their computers to meet people. People, with substance, can be found everywhere. I think it’s a shame that people don’t walk up and introduce themselves anymore. We’re becoming a society that hides behind computers and cell phones—we rarely have face to face interactions. I think computer dating is lame.
By fedupingwinnett
August 17, 2008 5:43 PM | Link to this
Katie….I have a lot of friends that have met their now long term or husbands/wives on either the internet or a dating service. You’re ideas are possible but not very likely. You are apparently very young or naive.
By paige
August 17, 2008 10:50 PM | Link to this
I met my husband on line. Before meeting him, I dated several men that I met on line that I wouldn’t have met in my everyday life. Be open to new experiences…I feel ok saying that I met my husband on line. Its better than saying he picked me up in a bar!
By paige
August 17, 2008 10:50 PM | Link to this
I met my husband on line. Before meeting him, I dated several men that I met on line that I wouldn’t have met in my everyday life. Be open to new experiences…I feel ok saying that I met my husband on line. Its better than saying he picked me up in a bar!
By Q
August 17, 2008 10:51 PM | Link to this
Jerry Robb should pour a big glass of wine, kick back, and read all 2000+ pages of this thread before he publishes his book:
http://chronicle.com/forums/index.php/topic,31263.0.html
By Katie
August 18, 2008 6:22 AM | Link to this
Fed up, do you think that ‘many of your friends’ would have never found love without the use of a computer??? Do you think the computer ‘saved’ their lives? I highly doubt you would answer yes to either. All I said was that it is a shame people don’t meet the old fashioned way. What is so terribly wrong with saying that??? I suppose only you have a right to an opinion.
By JAMES MCCOY
August 18, 2008 7:13 AM | Link to this
I suggest to folks who want to meet folks for long term relationships,be it by internet or the old fashion way please be very careful.Take your time and slowly get to know the other person.Don’t jump into bed on the first or second or even third meeting.As a matter of fact wait a year,then you will have a good chance of knowing this person a little better.My experience have proven that there are a lot of people out there in cyberspace who are not who they claim to be.
By Steve
August 18, 2008 9:15 AM | Link to this
If someone needs the computer to find a relationship, there’s a reason, and most of the time that reason isn’t good. You’re not going to find a real go-getter looking for love on the internet. You’re going to find a lazy bum who lacks a lot of real life social skills. People do it to increase the odds of finding someone since it’s so much easier. It’s like fishing with dynamite. When you ignore all basic attractions and blindly go for 1000’s of mates at once, odds are a few will come back to you, right? If you’re looking for love on the internet, of course it will work and all your friends will say it DOES work, because the participants are so desperate for it to work you ignore all common logic. But hey, it’s the best you can do right? If you’re looking for love on the internet you’ll never know, you’ll just assume. That is until you’re 70 and you look back and realize you’ve wasted your life on some loser.
Now get off the internet you dopes, go find love the hard way, the real way. Don’t be so pathetic.
By Michael H. Smith
August 18, 2008 10:20 AM | Link to this
Ho hums. Welcome to Rick Badie’s online lonely hearts club.
Moral of the story: No matter where you choose to look for your prince or your princess charming you are most likely going to kiss alot of frogs.
But do take care to watch-out for the snakes!
By Paige
August 18, 2008 10:26 AM | Link to this
Steve,
Where would you suggest that a single mom with a full time job (nurse in a women’s prison) going to school parttime (with kids 20 year younger) go to meet someone? my husband doesn’t have any children, so we wouldn’t have meet a a kid activity, is a computer geek where e-mail and the web are the best i can do? We didn’t have any friends in common, so that wouldn’t have been an option either. Meeting people on line is like meting them in a bar. You don’t give out all your information, meet in a public place and have a good time. In any situation…you date a lot of toads to find a prince.
By Katie
August 18, 2008 11:37 AM | Link to this
Paige, what’s wrong with being single?? Seems like you’ve got a lot going on, do you have to have a man in your life right now??
I’m siding with Steve on this one. And, by the way, meeting someone on the computer is NOT like meeting someone in a bar. But hey, to each their own. Be safe!!
By fedupingwinnett
August 18, 2008 2:01 PM | Link to this
Katie, what is wrong with you? I don’t see anything in my post that said ‘it saved their lives’ and I also said you’re way is possible but not likely for a lot of folks. Who said you didn’t/couldn’t have an opinion? YOU ARE A NUTCASE!!!
By Sandy_G
August 19, 2008 2:25 PM | Link to this
To those of you who have never used a website like Match.com, I’d say, don’t knock til you try it. I was single for 10 years and yes, I met and dated some men I met online. Then, I met and married a man I met through work. Come to find out, he had also used Match.com, but we met each other without the internet.
What I learned from dating people I met online is that I met just as many devious and dishonest people on a face-to-face basis as I did online. It’s estimated that approximately one-third of the people that are currently on web-based dating sites are married and many are not honest about who they or what they are looking for. That said, I would say that you have just as good a chance of meeting the right person online as you do in person and vice versa.
I met doctors, attorneys, business people and low lifes online. You just have to use your common sense and be careful (just as you do in real life).