Grade: C-

Verdict: They've fallen and they can't get up.

By BOB LONGINO
Cox News Service

Though it tries to capitalize on the "Alien" and "Predator" franchises, the movie that finally pits those two equally disgusting E.T.s against each other in an earthly war is in desperate need of a bigger steel cage and a whole lot more smackdown.

"Alien vs. Predator" has its battle moments and, by the finale, thankfully turns a bit campy. But these things happen only after a boring and often inane exposition that seems to last longer than the Ice Age.

"AVP," as the film has been dubbed in the way Michael Jackson crowned himself "King of Pop," is the kind of action movie where audiences are best advised to shut off the brain.

This is not the artful horror of Ridley Scott's masterful "Alien," the adrenaline rush of James Cameron's muscular "Aliens," or even the perfectly popped corn of John McTiernan's roller-coasting "Predator." No, "AVP" can't even match "Freddy vs. Jason" for slicing and dicing mixed with humor.

The plot would have you believe that creatures from beyond created pyramids on Earth -- in this case in Antarctica -- as their personal and deadly laser tag centers.

The aliens and the predators get the best screen time, the best action sequences, the best slo-mo and the most laughs. Humans are necessary to set off the alien war, though there's certainly not an interesting one among this movie's mostly robotic, mostly unknown cast.

The best an audience can do is wonder where Sigourney Weaver and Arnold Schwarzenegger are when we need them most.