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Five reasons we're headed to 'Big Momma's House 2'

This week: Why we really needed a sequel to 'Big Momma's House'!

Certain cinematic stories, like those of the Corleones, Rocky Balboa, Hannibal Lecter or even Daniel-San, cry out for a second chapter. And certain others ... don't.

20th Century Fox 'Big Momma's House 2' The verdict: Honestly, what did you need that last brain cell for, anyway? Director: John P. Whitesell Starring: Martin Lawrence, Nia Long, Zachary Levi, Emily Procter, Mark Moses Run time: 99 minutes Release date: Jan. 27, 2006 Rating: PG-13 for some sexual humor and a humorous drug reference. See showtimes On the web Official movie site View the trailer    Trailers require Quicktime Rate 'Big Momma's House 2'   Go see it   Make it a matinee   Wait to rent   Don't bother Voter Limit: Once per Hour View Poll Results

Big Momma's House, Martin Lawrence's dumb 2000 comic crime caper about a detective going undercover as a sassy Southern church lady, would seem to be one of those movies.

Boy, does it ever.

But that didn't stop the folks at 20th Century Fox from making Big Momma's House 2, starring Lawrence, original costar Nia Long, some lingerie models, hundreds of pounds of latex, some bad wigs, and several close-up shots of Lawrence's cosmetically expanded, granny-pantied butt.

So is this just an unimaginative ploy to wring every last bleeding dollar out of a concept that wasn't exactly a work of staggering genius to begin with?

Probably.

But here are five other reasons why we're headed back to the House, whether we want to or not.

1. Because this is apparently a sign of Armageddon, and the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse will need something to watch while watering their horses before continuing to bring about the destruction of humankind.

2. Having failed to interest studios in Shenehneh: The Movie, Martin was looking for another excuse to wear a cool wig.

3. Because America is, frankly, sick of all of the hype about Colin Farrell and Jude Law, and this was the one movie guaranteed not to star either of them.

4. Because granny butt = comic gold.

5. Because, honestly, what did you need that last brain cell for, anyway?