'Cheaper by the Dozen 2': Second helping is still no bargain

All this time you thought "Cheaper by the Dozen" referred to the number of kids in Steve Martin's movie family.

Silly you. The sequel, "Cheaper by the Dozen 2," obviously refers to the counting up of cheap pratfalls, inane set pieces and unfunny jokes that can be delivered in an hour and a half.

20th Century Fox 'Cheaper by the Dozen 2' D The verdict: Loud, unamusing, inane, shameless family-style antics. They laugh, they cry; you'll wince. Director: Adam Shankman Starring: Steve Martin, Bonnie Hunt, Piper Perabo, Eugene Levy, Hilary Duff Run time: 93 minutes Release date: Dec. 21 Rating: PG for some crude humor and mild language. See showtimes On the web Official movie site View the trailer    Trailers require Quicktime Rate 'Cheaper by the Dozen 2'   Go see it   Make it a matinee   Wait to rent   Don't bother Voter Limit: Once per Hour View Poll Results

And take a moment to consider the "2" in the title. It really means that all the cheap comedy this time is mathematically squared.

This "Cheaper" marks the return of the Baker family — mom (Bonnie Hunt), dad (Martin) and their brood — who this time head for a vacation at the lake and grueling sports competitions against the overly organized Murtaugh clan, led by overly competitive Eugene Levy.

Stop. That's all you need to know. The rest is just a steady stream of uninventive crotch jokes, water mishaps, blazing fireworks that create catastrophic free-for-alls, and a dog that, once it spies Carmen Electra, humps her leg so hard she falls to the ground.

Martin enthusiastically yells most of his lines, which becomes very irritating. As part of the Baker clan, Tom Welling returns as the eldest son. Hilary Duff is back, too. But one glance at the truckload of makeup she's amassed on her face and how she's piled her blond hair atop and around her head, and you'd swear her agent had told her she was making "The Dolly Parton Story."

All the characters get in fights but, SPOILER ALERT, everything ends with hugs, violins, good wishes and warm hearts. Martin is so moved he sheds a tear. It's just enough fabricated good cheer to wreck the holidays.