But if you're a dad, you know that having a kid is like opening a Christmas present. It looks good on the outside, but sometimes when you take off the wrapping paper, you're in for a baaaaad surprise.

I'm not just talking about the poop and puke. That's disgusting, sure, but it's not EVIL. It's not the kind of EVIL that makes you wonder if the nurse swapped your baby with a little devil-tailed Damien. Am I right?

Usually it's Barney that does it, Barney that purple puddle of luv. I remember the first time I saw Cal go nuts over that dishrag dinosaur, I thought to myself, "Is my boy gravy-brained -- excuse me, differently abled? Or is it the bad genes on LaDonna's side? Or is he just EVIL?"

That leads me to "Daddy Day Care." See, the movie people send me passes to all the preview screenings. And I guess it's my own fault for leaving the one for "DDC" lying out on the coffee table. Because Cal sees it, and all of a sudden he's tugging at my pants going, "Daddy! Daddy! Daddy! Daddy!"

That's because, like all 5-year-olds, he totally digs fart jokes and kick-in-the-groin jokes and poop jokes and -- you follow me here? -- Eddie Murphy.

What can I say? When you're a parent, you have to make really tough sacrifices. Like skipping poker night, switching from Heineken to a cheaper domestic or sitting through "Daddy Day Care."

Actually, it didn't blow near as bad as I expected. Maybe that's because they showed us this trailer for an upcoming movie named "Radio."

That's the nickname of this gravy-brained -- excuse me, differently abled -- guy played by Cuba "Snow Dogs"/"Boat Trip" Gooding Jr. Cuba wears this hilarious mouthful of fake buckteeth that you wouldn't believe even on a pitch-black Halloween night. Anyway, Radio gets taken under the wing of this football coach, Ed Harris. It's the sort of "inspirational" movie where Harris goes, "We're not teaching Radio, Radio's the one that's been teaching us." Then you see Cuba riding his bike looking all bucktoothed and triumphant.

The lady sitting next to us -- the one that was unpacking major lunch leftovers from her giant purse -- said, "There's an Academy Award nomination!"

Maybe. To me it just looked like Cuba's latest SOS from the Island of Bad Movie Choices. It doesn't help that the movie also stars Debra Winger, who died in "Terms of Endearment" right before her career did.

That "Radio" trailer put things in perspective for me. All of a sudden, seeing "Daddy Day Care" didn't seem so bad.

Eddie Murphy plays this hot-shot marketing guy who doesn't have time to spend with his adorable kid Ben. He's always late for family stuff, like all Movie Dads Who Need To Learn A Lesson. He gets his when he and his buddy Phil (Jeff Garlin) get fired, and they decide to start their own preschool in Eddie's living room.

Mainly the movie is all about Phil getting kicked in the butt and kicked in the crotch, and Phil's own kid pooping all over Eddie's bathroom. Cal LOVED it. It's "Jackass" for the pre-juvie crowd.

When the kids get especially out of hand, Phil says, "We need Ritalin and leashes." That line made me kinda misty, remembering Cal's third birthday party, and the balloon-animal clown that tried to sue for damages.

Anyway, Eddie gets hired back by his old company for double the salary. But in the end he quits to go back to running the day care, telling his boss, "My kid . . . that's the most important thing."

I know how he feels. After half an hour, I was ready to yank Cal outta there. But he was digging it, so I made another Daddy Sacrifice. I left him there with the leftover-lunch lady and snuck in the theater next door to check out a few minutes of Rebecca Romijn-Stamos in "X2."

The things we do for our kids, am I right?

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