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'Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy' is mostly charmless

It's become such a touchstone of geek separatism that it's hard to remember that "The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy" was a best-selling book in the States and a cultural phenomenon in the UK.

It started life as a brilliant and popular radio play by Monty Python heir Douglas Adams, who then expanded the play into wildly popular novels and made himself very rich and famous indeed. Adams, who died at 49 of a heart attack in 2001, tried to put a "Hitchhiker" movie together for years.

Touchstone Pictures 'The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy' 2 out of 5 stars The verdict: An absurdly humorous novel is reduced to a few chuckles. Director: Garth Jennings Starring: Bill Bailey, Anna Chancellor, Warwick Davis, Martin Freeman, John Malkovich Run time: 110 minutes Release date: April 29, 2005 Rating: PG for thematic elements, action and mild language. See showtimes On the web Official movie site View the trailer    Trailers require Quicktime Rate "Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy"   Go see it   Make it a matinee   Wait to rent   Don't bother Voter Limit: Once per Hour View Poll Results

It's a shame he didn't live to see it, if only to chuckle at how Disney/Touchstone has softened the coal-black surreal British absurdism he reveled in. Maybe Americans just can't handle a story without redemption, even when that story is absurd enough to involve aliens destroying Earth to make way for an interstellar bypass.

British everybloke Arthur Dent (Martin Freeman of the BBC's "The Office" in a role he was born to play) wakes up to find his house about to be demolished. His pal Ford Prefect (Mos Def) drops by and announces they have 12 minutes until the end of the world. Turns out Ford is an alien who's been stuck on Earth, a backwater planet. The two hitch a ride on one of the ships that does Earth in, and we're off.

Freeman is flawless as the dented Dent, but everyone else is slightly off. Mos Def, normally terrific, is smartly cast. But he seems ill at ease in spots, as if he's not sure where this project went very subtly wrong. Same goes for Zooey Deschanel as love interest Trillian; an underwritten figure even in the novel, her character doesn't have a core to find, even when she's part of the shoe-horned romantic plot.

And the reduced stakes undercut Zaphod Beeblebrox completely. (Though the casual surrealism of his spaceship Heart of Gold's Infinite Improbability Drive is played out beautifully.)

Zaphod's the charismatic and not terribly bright president of the galaxy, whom Sam Rockwell plays as an overbroad riff on President Bush. What happened to the cool?

There are bright moments. Anticipating the Internet, the titular book, with the words "Don't Panic" helpfully printed on the cover, is a compendium of all knowledge in the universe — Ford is a correspondent — and certain entries are animated and voiced-over elegantly. In this final summer of "Star Wars," it's weirdly thrilling to see aliens played by guys in old-school rubber suits rather than shadowless CGI (wisely saved for wide-angle wonder shots).

But fans will blanch at nearly everything else — from the joke-killing theme song to a plot sellout that's too demoralizing to even discuss. Never mind that "Hitchhiker's" humor derives from an amoral-yet-fun universe given to random events you have to laugh at so as not to cry over.

Who even knows if these shortcomings will resonate with those unfamiliar with the books. They'll probably think, "Why is there such a cult around this?" Well, once upon a time, the Guide deserved it. Don't panic? Newbies shouldn't, but serious fans will.