'House of Wax': Cheeseball horror remake — lots of wax

Poor Elisha Cuthbert. She takes a pay-the-rent role in a crummy horror flick, puts on the obligatory wife beater, gets ogled by mossy-teethed backwoods geeks then tied to a chair and tortured, and what does all the movie buzz revolve around?

Paris Hilton. Sheesh.

Warner Bros. Pictures 'House of Wax' D The verdict: Stick a wick in it. Director: Jaume Serra Starring: Elisha Cuthbert, Paris Hilton, Chad Michael Murray, Brian Van Holt, Jared Padalecki Run time: 105 minutes Release date: May 6, 2005 Rating: R for horror violence, some sexual content and language. See showtimes On the web Official movie site View the trailer    Trailers require Quicktime Rate "House of Wax"   Go see it   Make it a matinee   Wait to rent   Don't bother Voter Limit: Once per Hour View Poll Results

It's a cruel world, but which is crueler? Rural Louisiana, which is where the teen victims of "House of Wax" get waxed? Or Hollywood, which upchucks stuff like this on a regular basis, knowing that cheap-thrill-seeking moviegoers will pile into theaters on opening weekend primarily to see Paris Hilton get chased through the woods in her bra and panties and ultimately, uh, impaled?

(A quick note to the Raincoat Brigade: Paris only gets down to her underwear, pretty ironic considering her first "movie," a certain DVD release sold on the Internet. She's a legitimate actress now, fellas. Just like Dame Judi Dench. Only hotter.)

Movie buffs of a certain age will vaguely remember there was a previous horror movie called "House of Wax." This is a "re-imagining," not a remake, meaning that it carries over from the original: 1) a house; and 2) wax.

Specifically, six kids are on their way to a college football game and get stranded in a small town in the sticks. They're hunted down, killed and then covered with wax.

What else do you need to know? Thematic elements? Character development? OK, the end, where the house of wax catches on fire, is pretty cool.

For those who haven't quite got it yet, let's recap. Elisha Cuthbert in a wife beater, tied to a chair. Paris Hilton in her skivvies, impaled. Some dudes. Lots of wax.

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