Grade: C-

Verdict: Where's Monty Python when you need 'em?

Details: Starring Heath Ledger. Directed by Brian Helgeland. Rated PG-13 for violence and sexuality. Two hours, 12 minutes.

Rate it: Write your own review

Review: We all remember when knighthood was in flower. But what about when knighthood was funky?

“A Knight's Tale” remembers.

In this tale that didn't need to be told — at least, not in this fashion — a cutie-pie squire named William (cutie-pie Heath Ledger) takes his dead master's place in a jousting tournament. And wins. He and his fellow squires (Mark Addy and Alan Tudyk) decide to follow the tournament circuit to keep themselves fed and clothed. For William, however, it's not just about the money; it's about .... a dream. As William says ad nausem, it is possible to “change your stars.”

William's stars come down to this: he's a commoner and only those of noble blood may compete in tournaments. Luckily he and his pals encounter a naked fast-talker on the road. The name's Chaucer. Geoffrey Chaucer (Paul Bettany). What he'd really like to do is write, but while “The Canterbury Tales” is stewing in his head, he joins the motley crew as William's consultant on all things courtly and his colorful, crowd-pleasing herald (he's a cross between a rock promoter and a carnival shill).

William turns out to be a natural at knocking heavily armored men off a horse. He keeps winning and winning. That brings him the attention of two powerful people: the beautiful if capricious Lady Jocelyn (Shannyn Sossamon, looks “10,” talent “0”) and the evil Count Adhemar (Rufus Sewell) who happens to be the tournament circuit's top dog.

Will William be unmasked or will he .... change his stars?

So far, it all sounds like a traditional film about brave knights and fair damsels and noble commoners. There's even a royal deus ex machina (James Purefoy), a plot-device that dates back to “Ivanhoe.”

Ah, but here's the twist. Writer/director Brian Helgeland (he penned “L.A. Confidential” and wrote and helmed “Payback”) wants to mix 14th-century chivalry with 20th-century retro-chic. That means the movie is peppered with supposedly jovial anachronisms. The scraggly rotten-toothed peasants watching the tournament sing Queen's “We Will Rock You” and do the Wave. A court ball turns into a disco scene with music by David Bowie. William's specially designed armor bears the Nike symbol. And Lady Jocelyn must be the first medieval noblewoman to quoth “Wow.”

The Middle Ages meet the mall-crawlers! Camelot meets South Beach! Injecting a contemporary sensibility into a period piece isn't necessarily a crummy idea. It's worked in movies as diverse as “The Lion in Winter,” “Ever After” and, best of all, “Monty Python and the Holy Grail.” So there's a chance this movie could've worked, even on its own crass terms. Say, “I Was a Teenage Sir Lancelot.”

But the anachronistic touches are jarring, not clever. And they deflate the movie's romanticism. The movie risks splitting its audience. Those who like Queen will find the love-and-honor stuff boring while those looking for a touch of Camelot magic will find the hip stuff annoying and mood-breaking. After all, given the poor-boy-rich-girl love connection, “A Knight's Tale” is essentially “Titanic on Horseback.” Minus the boat.

There is one bright note. “A Knight's Tale” has some of the best beautiful-boy watching around. For the teens and twentysomethings, there's the dashing and sensitive Ledger, with hair extensions that Gwyneth Paltrow would envy. For those who like faces with a little character, there's Sewell with his smoldering eyes. For everyone, there's Purefoy, who looks like a young Jean-Paul Belmondo (1961's “Breathless”).

“A Knight's Tale” isn't bad enough to be a total nightmare — there are some moments that work. But more often than not it's so Three-Stooges silly that even the horses look embarrassed.

— Eleanor Ringel Gillespie, (none)