Grade: C-

Verdict: More like a counterfeit dollar bill.

By BOB TOWNSEND
Cox News Service

Nicolas Cage may be the star, but "National Treasure" is producer Jerry Bruckheimer's show. And it's not a good one.

As action-picture fans know, the Bruckheimer trademark promises a high-tech product with elaborate chases and thunderous explosions. Once in a great while, the boom booms are incidental to some goofy fun, as in "Pirates of the Caribbean: Curse of the Black Pearl." But more often, they power extravagantly mediocre movies such as "Armageddon" and "Pearl Harbor."

"National Treasure" isn't even as skillful as that middling ilk. It fakes high concept, but turns into a whole lot of hooey.

Cage plays Benjamin Franklin Gates, an eccentric American adventurer who's obsessed with a secret his grandfather (Christopher Plummer) passed on to him when he was a young boy. But Ben's father (Jon Voight) believes the family legacy is a fool's errand.

In the setup, Ben and his nerdy sidekick, Riley (Justin Bartha) are on an anxious expedition to the North Pole, when they are doublecrossed by British partner-turned-villain Ian Howe (Sean Bean, "The Lord of the Rings"). Cue the first round of explosions and implausible escapes.

Then cut to Washington, where Ben has donned a business suit and is trying in vain to convince government bureaucrats that there's an invisible treasure map inscribed on the back of the Declaration of Independence. And that Ian is plotting to steal it.

In frustration, Ben decides to pre-emptively rip it off himself. In the process, he winds up kidnapping Abigail Chase (Diane Kruger, "Troy") of the National Archives. With snarky Riley behind the wheel, Ben and Abigail go on the run from D.C. to Philadelphia to New York City, trying to beat Ian to the treasure and dodge the FBI, led by Agent Sadusky (Harvey Keitel).

Along the way, there's the monotonous unraveling of a muddled conspiracy that goes back to ancient Egypt, the Knights Templar, the American Free Masons, the Founding Fathers and (of all people) Andrew Jackson. And, yes, amid worshipful montages of national monuments and genuflecting tributes to the Declaration, love blossoms between Ben and Abigail.

With Cage and Keitel in the picture, you'd expect at least a few ironic asides. But even what should be the droll lines are delivered with a yawn instead of a wink. And when Cage suddenly declares at one point, "I need to think," you want to shout, "About this script?"

"National Treasure" could have been a decent thriller. It hints at the kind of delicious brain candy that made "The Da Vinci Code" a blockbuster best seller. But for all the hoopla, Bruckheimer, screenwriters Cormac and Marianne Wibberley ("Charlie's Angels: Full Throttle") and director Jon Turteltaub ("The Kid") don't present anything much more intricate than a riddle from a Nancy Drew mystery -- supposedly contained in one of the letters written by Benjamin Franklin under the name Silence Dogood.

Of course, the Franklin-penned Dogood epistles were a hoax. And after sitting through two-hours-plus of a potboiler that plays fast and loose with American history, you may feel tricked, too.