What did you think of "Planet of the Apes"?
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Planet of the Apes Planet of the Apes
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Grade: C+

Verdict: Maybe Darwin was wrong: This remake shows no sign of evolution.

Details: Starring Mark Wahlberg, Helena Bonham Carter and Tim Roth. Directed by Tim Burton. Rated PG-13 for some sequences of action/violence. One hour, 59 minutes.

Rate it: Write your own review

Review: Director Tim Burton monkeys around with “Planet of the Apes.” The mediocre result won't make you swing from the treetops, but he doesn't deserve all the blame. In the movie's last hour, you wouldn't even know the distinctive fantasist (“Edward Scissorhands,” “Sleepy Hollow,” “Batman”) had anything to do with this remake.

Actually, the new film is described as a reimagining of the 1968 cult classic. This “Planet” shows promising variations at first, starting in the near-future of 2029. Astronaut Leo (Mark Wahlberg) is training the chimp Pericles, one of dozens of primates aboard the research station Oberon, how to pilot a space pod. A mysterious electromagnetic field zaps the ship, and through various zippy plot complications, Leo finds himself hurtling forward through time until he crash-lands in what looks like Yoda's swamp on some uncharted planet. The place is ruled by you-know-whats, and Leo gets caged by the orangutan Limbo (Paul Giamatti), trader of human slaves, and the homo sapien-hating General Thade (Tim Roth).

Also on hand is silverback gorilla Attar, played by Michael Clarke Duncan. He gets to spin Charlton Heston's famous line, barking at Leo, “Take your stinkin' hand off me, you damn dirty human!” (Heston himself shows up later in a nice, hirsute cameo.)

Leo's fellow prisoners are the scruffy Karubi (Kris Kristofferson) and his nubile daughter Daena (Estella Warren), a more empowered variation of the first movie's Nova. Unlike in the '68 flick, here all the humans can speak. Only, you wish they wouldn't: They never say anything very interesting.

The final main character is the chimp Ari (Helena Bonham Carter), an outspoken senator's daughter who protests the abuse of humans. She's like a hairy, reverse version of a member of People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals — though once she starts shooting gooey looks at Wahlberg, it makes you question how ethical she really is. “Planet” 's first half offers some real pleasures, including the acrobatic stunts of the apes; their misty city, resembling a multilevel Mayan jungle dwelling; and some of the topsy-turvy sociological observations, with humans cast in the animal role. But it's all over once Limbo moans, “Can't we all just get along?” The movie isn't interested in scoring any genuine cultural points; it just recycles second-hand social cliches while biding time for the big chases and generic action scenes.

The movie never settles into a steady groove: cultural satire, spoof of the first film, or gung-ho action flick. The latter mode takes over in the last hour — which is also when the movie loses Burton's distinctive touches. It feels like the biggest apes of all (also known as studio executives) stepped in and gave the film a Burton-ectomy. This is the first of the director's works that largely reduces him to a hired hand.

That would be OK, if the movie at least worked on a rousing popcorn level. But the big action scenes near the end are underwhelming, the revelations rushed, and many of the scenes are distractingly dim. After a while the movie's attempt to spark a love triangle for Wahlberg, Warren and Carter becomes laughable. Then there's a “surprise” ending so nonsensical, it'll make you scratch your head more than a Capuchin with fleas.

Given his big chance at action hero, Wahlberg partly blows it. He has a bad habit of whispering or swallowing his lines, and he's upstaged by Rick Baker's great ape makeup.

Well, most of it is great. On the plus side, Carter's cutesy chimp face allows her to emote through the prosthetics; on the minus side, she looks like a muppet. The best makeup, and fiercest performance, comes from Roth, though for a change of pace he might want to play a nice guy sometime soon.

The movie's chief assets are Rick Heinrichs' production design and Colleen Atwood's costumes. But their sober Medieval designs can distract you, making you more eagerly anticipate the first installment of Peter Jackson's “Lord of the Rings” trilogy this fall. “Planet” 's screenwriting squad includes the team that gave us “The Beverly Hillbillies,” “Superman IV” and “Mercury Rising.” Oh, and “Mighty Joe Young,” their previous attempt to botch the memory of a beloved monkey movie.

Steve Murray, The Atlanta Journal-Constitution

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