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Verdict: Hokey Poke.

Details: Animated feature directed by Kunihiko Yuyama. Includes the short cartoon "Pikachu's Vacation." Rated G. 1 hour, 29 minutes.

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Review: Maybe only somebody who owns more Beanie Babies than socks can understand Pokémon. It's clear the animated "Pokémon: The First Movie" reveals little behind the marketing dynamo's immense popularity with kids.

Schools have banned the Japanese phenomenon. "South Park" has taken to ridiculing the toy unmercifully. And parents? They seem to be on this planet only to drive SUVs to the store so kids can buy more Pokémon cards, Pokémon video games and, now, Pokémon movie tickets.

A Pokémon, kind of a millennial pet rock, is an imaginary mutant animal of sorts — a cat, a turtle, a fish, a dragon; there are more than 100 you can buy. Each has special powers to fight battles against other Pokémons. And it takes a Pokémon master (like Ash Ketchum, the movie's lead kid) to figuratively train and handle each critter.

Which brings us to "Pokémon: The First Movie." And, surprise, it brings forth a brand new Pokémon. More powerful than all the others. More desirable to own.

He's Mewtwo, a clone of Mew — some ancient Pokémon kitty. And like Frankenstein, he's one ferocious dude. A team of scientists has infused him with psychic powers.

It isn't long before an anguished Mewtwo, who's all hepped up about the meaning of his own existence, pulls a full kinetic "Carrie," kapows his creators and starts cloning other Pokémons into his personal arsenal for a world takeover.

With intentionally stilted animation, uninspired music and lame jokes, "Pokémon" is basically an ultralong version of the phenomenon's own boring TV 'toon. It justifies its violence with a denouement brightly wrapped in tears, goodness, love and Pokémon understanding.

The movie is preceded by the short cartoon "Pikachu's Vacation," a nonsensical tale that finds the title Pokémon and his pals visiting what amounts to a Pokémon amusement park.

They butt heads, chase each other, hold speed contests, bump chests and emit gibberish. Think Teletubbies on hallucinogens.

It's enough to make you long for the return of "Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles."

— Bob Longino, Cox News Service

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