Poseidon - Cox News Service movie review

'Poseidon': A disaster of a movie

By MICHAEL BURNS
Cox News Service

In Greek mythology, Poseidon was the god of the sea. In Hollywood remake mythology, Poseidon is the god of cinematic disaster.

Don't get me wrong — I thoroughly enjoyed the first two to three minutes of the movie, but your mileage may vary depending on the theater, since those minutes consisted of the new "Superman Returns" trailer.

Warner Bros. Pictures

'Poseidon'

D+

The verdict: At least the "Superman Returns" trailer was entertaining.

Director: Wolfgang Petersen
Starring: Josh Lucas, Kurt Russell, Richard Dreyfuss, Emmy Rossum, Andre Braugher, Mía Maestro, Mike Vogel, Dylan Johns
Run time: 99 minutes
Release date: May 12, 2006
Rating: PG-13 for intense prolonged sequences of disaster and peril.
See showtimes

Dive in!
Preview the action in "Poseidon" with these stills from the movie.

Ship shape
Atlanta Journal-Constitution film critic Bob Longino compares the "Poseidon" movies side-by-side.

On the web
Official movie site
View the trailer
Trailers require Quicktime

In the interest of full disclosure, I have never seen the original 1972 film, "The Poseidon Adventure," in its entirety. That said, I've seen enough to know that this can be done better.

Let's face it: This is not a terribly difficult plot with which to work. Ocean liner at sea on New Year's Eve. Rogue tidal wave slams into ocean liner, rolling it over. Survivors form small ragtag band and struggle, against all odds, to find a way out of the ship.

Typical summer fair. And in the hands of the right director, there's a chance to reward the summer moviegoing audience by taking that simple plot a step or two further — really knock their socks off and make the $30 for two tickets and a small bag of Twizzlers worthwhile.

Alas, director Wolfgang Petersen, who, in 2000, brought the world the much better ocean-going film, "The Perfect Storm," blows his opportunity to make this film entertaining. The boat flips over in the first 10 minutes (13 if you count the "Superman Returns" trailer). Petersen then misses his chance to jazz up the storyline a little with a few converging character plotlines by (a) burning the crew alive in a hallway, (b) drowning the ship's officers in the wheelhouse, and (c) drowning all secondary characters and extras in an imploding ballroom.

This leaves you with that ragtag band of survivors, anchored by Kurt Russell, who takes a turn as the former mayor of New York. His character survives the initial wave along with his daughter, played by Emmy Rossum (the Phantom of the Opera can't save her now), and her boyfriend, played by Mike Vogel of "Supercross" fame (or infamy, perhaps).

They're joined by an ex-submariner/cruise ship high roller (Dylan Johns), an architect (Richard Dreyfus) who's just broken up with his lover, a single mom, her irritating child, and a random stowaway (Mía Maestro).

These disparate souls come together with the common goal of escaping the capsized ship, not to mention a total disregard for the lives of other crew and passengers.

What follows is approximately one hour of bad dialogue and so-so underwater action sequences that could've been pulled from any of a half dozen other bad "at sea" movies. And perhaps the most scattered, minimal character development I've ever seen in a movie. Nothing the characters say or do is significant enough to make you want to cheer them on in their escape. Honestly, at the end of the movie, I was begging for some sort of surprise ending where they all died.

There's a moment in which Richard Dreyfus is on the phone in the main ballroom during the New Year's Eve celebration. He says, and I'm paraphrasing, "If you want, you can still call me at midnight, perhaps for old times' sake."

At this point, a friend who attended the movie with me leaned over and whispered in my ear, "He's talking to his career."

I agree. It's sunk along with this disaster of a movie.