'The Pink Panther' wastes assembled talent

You do not have to be outraged that the Peter Sellers-Blake Edwards Inspector Clouseau slapstick farces are being pillaged, or even have any awareness of them to sense that something went very wrong with the new Pink Panther.

Sony Pictures 'The Pink Panther' D The verdict: A wearying exercise in slapstick and accent comedy, wasting an A-list cast. Director: Shawn Levy Starring: Steve Martin, Kevin Kline, Jean Reno, Emily Mortimer, Beyoncé Knowles Run time: 93 minutes Release date: Feb. 10, 2006 Rating: PG for occasional crude and suggestive humor and language. See showtimes On the web Official movie site View the trailer    Trailers require Quicktime Rate 'The Pink Panther'   Go see it   Make it a matinee   Wait to rent   Don't bother Voter Limit: Once per Hour View Poll Results

Originally scheduled for release last August, nothing miraculous happened to salvage the movie as it lay on MGM's shelf over the past six months.

Not literally a remake of the 1964 flick, this strained effort from Cheaper By the Dozen director Shawn Levy does involve a murder and the theft of the title diamond, plus the jazzy Henry Mancini theme music and nimble animated credits. Savor the cartoon opening — it is the last moment that is not heavy-handed for the next 90 minutes.

Steve Martin, who gets a co-writing credit — if "credit" is the word — plays bumbling, one-man-disaster-zone Clouseau, assigned to solve the homicide of a French soccer coach and diamond owner whose girlfriend Xania (Beyonce Knowles) is around strictly for decorative purposes.

Clouseau's boss, Chief Inspector Dreyfus (Kevin Kline), is mere straight man, which is more than French star Jean Reno gets to do as Clouseau's sidekick.

For that matter, Emily Mortimer, Roger Rees and Kristin Chenoweth drop by, but all are underused, leaving the impression that there was a lot more film shot than survived to this final cut. The scary thing to contemplate is that this is the best of it.

OK, I'll admit it. I laughed at an inane language lesson sequence, in which Clouseau is being coached out of his French accent. But with this cast and these classic characters, one burst of giggles in the whole movie is a pretty low mirth quotient.

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