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'Serenity' is smart, exciting and impossible to pigeonhole

Under normal circumstances, I, unlike the Temptations, am too proud to beg.

It's my job to tell you whether, in my humble opinion, a movie should be seen, or, in some cases, avoided like bill collectors, psycho ex-boyfriends and those awful fake eBay e-mail scams. But you'll rarely catch me being a straight-up advocate, because it's a free country, and nobody likes a Pushy Polly.

Universal Pictures 'Serenity' The verdict: Don't go breaking my heart. Please see Serenity. Director: Joss Whedon Starring: Nathan Fillion, Alan Tudyk, Adam Baldwin, Summer Glau, Chiwetel Ejiofor Run time: 119 minutes Release date: September 30, 2005 Rating: PG-13 for sequences of intense violence and action, and some sexual references. See showtimes On the web Official movie site View the trailer    Trailers require Quicktime Rate 'Serenity'   Go see it   Make it a matinee   Wait to rent   Don't bother Voter Limit: Once per Hour View Poll Results

However, consider yourself officially pushed, because I'm asking ... nay, begging you, to go see Serenity. Please. See it twice. Tell a friend. Bring your mama. Post a blog. Just please, please, please get up right now — after you've read this here fine column, of course — and buy a ticket for this thrilling, funny, sad, scary oddity of an sci-fi Western, because if you don't, you'll miss a great movie with a talented shamelessly not-yet famous cast. And Hollywood will believe you don't want smart action movies, and stop making them, and then there won't be a sequel, the sun will cease to shine and the children will all be sad.

Yes! Do it for the children! Whitney and Mariah have an convincing, uplifting power ballad to sing at you now...

Seriously, folks, I'm shocked as a stingray that Serenity, based on Joss (Buffy the Vampire Slayer) Whedon's canceled 2002 Fox series Firefly, ever got made. When's the last time a big studio like Universal ever made a big ol' movie starring absolutely no one you've probably ever heard of, based on a show that was so smart, exciting and hard to pigeonhole that it only ran for 11 episodes because somebody (probably you) never watched it? Never.

And that's great, because it made space on the Fox schedule for such "quality" programming as Stacked, Trading Spouses and a gazillion very special American Idol: More Damaging Filler Footage of Crappy Losers clip shows.

But blissfully, the universe and Universal Studios have heard the cries of the faithful hordes who obsessively championed the show and bought massive copies of the series on DVD. They've given Firefly one more chance. And Whedon has used that chance fabulously, making Serenity a once-in-a-lifetime cinematic gift for the Browncoats, those aforementioned obsessive Firefly fans (I'll explain why later), a gripping, accessible ride for the newbies, and a smart, sexy, brilliant action flick that deals in fleshed-out characters you care about, rather than interchangeable video game "types" that serve only as monster food.

The plot of the TV show and the movie are basically the same: It's 500 years into the future, and Earth has become too populated, necessitating the discovery and colonization of other planets and galaxies that operate under an obviously evil body called The Alliance. A group of rebels called the Browncoats (See? An explanation!) resisted Alliance control and fought valiantly, failing miserably. So now, former Browncoat soldier and space cowboy Malcolm "Mal" Reynolds (Nathan Fillion) has given up being a revolutionary for a career in the less idealistic and vastly more lucrative outlaw field.

His crew aboard the good ship Serenity include strapping weapons-loving mercenary Jayne (Adam "Not The Brother of Alec" Baldwin), kick-butt Zoe (Gina Torres), her goofy pilot husband, Wash (Alan Tudyk), perky mechanic Kaylee (Jewel Staite), studly doctor Simon (Sean Maher) and his psychic, sorta-creepy teen sister River (Summer Glau). You'll recognize a lot of these actors from other stuff they've done, usually playing second banana to some less talented but more conventionally pretty star.

Why, yes, I am that bitter!

While Simon has earned his keep by patching up the Serenity crew's frequent caper-related injuries, he's sorta become a liability because the evil Alliance is after him and River. Seems her creepiness stems not just from her psychic abilities, but because she's been trained as a human guinea pig, an all-knowing, butt-kicking girl machine. Simon broke her out of captivity, and now the Man ... er, the Alliance, has sent a nameless Operative (the silkily dastardly Chiwetel Ejiofor) to fetch her, even if he has to make his point with a particularly sharp and nasty sword.

Because Mal and the gang are outlaws and not touchy-feely people, they're not inclined to put themselves in hollering distance of the law. But they wind up reluctantly swept into the drama anyway, involving them with old friends from the series, like preacher Shepard Book (Barney Miller's Ron Glass) and sultry space hooker Inara (Morena Baccarin), who carries a torch for blustery and hot Captain Mal.

Speaking of Mal, I am especially insistent that you see Serenity because I desperately want mass stardom for Nathan Fillion, who was Joey Buchanan on One Life To Live back in the day, as well as Johnny, the boyfriend of the girl on Two Guys, A Girl and a Pizza Place. Forget stoically boring hotties like Josh Hartnett, or dudes like Heath Ledger or Hayden Christensen, who are only interesting when they ugly up. Fillion has the face and body of a pin-up boy, the comic timing of the Han Solo-era Harrison Ford, and the squinty outlaw machismo of a Tombstone-era Val Kilmer.

In short, he's a star, or should be. And his movie, which spins you out of your seat, angers you with its timely political allegory and makes you laugh, should be a hit. And it can be, if you see it. Who's with me? Yes, the guilt trip was intentional. Is it working?

The Flick Chick's Bottom Line: Don't go breaking my heart. Please see Serenity.