Hollywood kindles no passion in 'Tristan & Isolde'

A full month before Valentine's Day comes the love film "Tristan & Isolde" to the megaplex. Which means 20th Century Fox must realize it's got a dud on its hands and is plopping it onto the cupid market early to make at least a little hay before other, better romantic films show up.

Twentieth Century Fox 'Tristan & Isolde' C The verdict: Pretty & boring. Director: Kevin Reynolds Starring: James Franco, Sophia Myles, Rufus Sewell, David O'Hara, Mark Strong Run time: 126 minutes Release date: Jan. 13, 2006 Rating: PG-13 for intense battle sequences and some sexuality. See showtimes On the web Official movie site View the trailer    Trailers require Quicktime Rate 'Tristan & Isolde'   Go see it   Make it a matinee   Wait to rent   Don't bother Voter Limit: Once per Hour View Poll Results

"T&I" is an old Celtic tale of love and adultery from the Dark Ages of King Arthur, and in this overzealous Hollywood version, long-haired hunk James Franco (the "Spider-Man" movies) is paired with English-born Kate Winslet look-alike Sophia Myles, who's previously been saddled with less enticing roles in "Thunderbirds," "Underworld" and "From Hell."

Here, she and Franco get to lie back in a candle-lit earthen lair, read pretty poetic words and go all goo-goo-eyed. It is luscious love displayed all lovely-like with nice costumes, gorgeous cinematography and very earnest directorial intentions. In other words, this film is almost as beautiful and just as boring as "Memoirs of a Geisha."

Not that the original "T&I" tale lacks for intense excitement. Far from it. Like the more well-known — and somewhat similar — Lancelot and Guinevere tryst, the story of Tristan and Isolde (the "i" is pronounced "ee" and the "e" is silent) involves love potions, dragons, jousts, slayings, lots of adultery and multiple characters with the same name. There are no less than three women named Isolde and two Tristans, one a dwarf.

There is also Richard Wagner's glorious opera with its stirring music and at least a semblance of the original story.

Hollywood, of course, would have none of that. Not even a dragon or a dwarf.

Like Mel Gibson did somewhat with "Braveheart," the filmmakers have taken lore and folded and spindled it. In this case, it's to fit some weird vision of the evil Irish trying to force their will over English tribes.

Unlike "Braveheart," "T&I" cannot muster much empathy for its characters, much passion in its principals or much desire among moviegoers to wonder what might happen next.

Boredom is writ large in the legacy of director Kevin Reynolds. He earlier brought us the lame "The Count of Monte Cristo," the lamer "Robin Hood: Prince of Thieves" and the lamest of all, "Waterworld."

"T&I" is more of the same. It's just a pretty valentine with no real heart.