'Waiting...': It doesn't get any dumber than this

"Waiting... ," a bottom-feeding dumb comedy about the wild 'n' crazy shenanigans that go on at a bar and grill called Shenaniganz (!), is supposed to make you never want to go to a restaurant again.

Instead, it makes you never want to go to a movie again.

Lions Gate Films 'Waiting' D- The verdict: Gross-out comedy will have you grabbing for the Tums. Director: Rob McKittrick Starring: Ryan Reynolds, Justin Long, Anna Faris, David Koechner, Wendie Malick Run time: 93 minutes Release date: Oct. 7, 2005 Rating: R for strong crude and sexual humor, pervasive language and some drug use. See showtimes On the web Official movie site View the trailer    Trailers require Quicktime Rate 'Waiting'   Go see it   Make it a matinee   Wait to rent   Don't bother Voter Limit: Once per Hour View Poll Results

Here's the menu:

The coolest waiter is played by Ryan Reynolds, who was in the remake of "The Amityville Horror." He's trying to get a Vince Vaughn kinda thing going on.

The next coolest is played by Justin Long, who was in "Jeepers Creepers II." He's trying to get a Keanu Reeves kinda thing going on.

The rookie waiter is played by John Francis Daley, who was on "The Geena Davis Show" on TV. He's trying to get a Jon Heder kinda thing going on.

The chef is played by Luis Guzman, who was in "Harold & Kumar Go to White Castle." He's trying to get a Luis Guzman kinda thing going on.

Unfortunately, nothing is going on in this movie.

There's lots of har-har stuff like people putting nasty things on the customers' food and the manager hitting on an underage hostess. If you like that, you'll love the male waiters' ongoing game of who can flash whose genitals at whom and surprise them. When they challenge the girls for not playing along, one feisty waitress gives them (and us) a Good-Golly-Ah-Mighty, is-that-what-I-think-it-is? shot of her nether region.

And there you have it. If you choose to go, you're on your own.