The Flick Chick Quick List: Fake sequels!

They say you can't get blood from a turnip, but leave it to the fiscally minded folks in Hollywood to strap that puppy up to an IV and try to get something flowing anyway. So it is with the movie sequel.

Sometimes, a series seems to have run its course, with the identifiable stars, directors, screenwriters and perhaps the key craft-services personnel jumping ship. But that has never stopped a studio from slapping some mess together and wrapping it up under the banner of the successful property and hoping nobody notices.

Universal Pictures Read reviews of "The Fast and the Furious: Tokyo Drift."

The latest is The Fast and the Furious: Tokyo Drift, a cars-go-zoom melodrama whose only connection to The Fast and The Furious or the dumb sequel, 2 Fast 2 Furious, is producer Neil Mortiz, cars, hottish men (if new star Lucas Black is your thing) and hoochies.

Here are some other fake-me-out follow-ups:

1. The Next Karate Kid (1994): Having seen Daniel-san (Ralph Macchio) through a third round of martial arts-based persecution, Mr. Miyagi (Pat Morita) starts from scratch, this time helping a downtrodden outsider girl (Hilary Swank) defeat bullies from an evil dojo and be all that she can be. Girl power! But still, the bad guys never approach Cobra Kai levels of menace. Wax off, man.

2. Caddyshack II (1988): Remember all the best parts of Caddyshack — Bill Murray as Carl the groundskeeper, Rodney Dangerfield, cute Michael O'Keefe and the gopher? Guess who's back? Yes! The gopher! And Chevy Chase, who seems to be embarrassed to be here, knowing that he's going to be upstaged by ... a gopher. I'm not, as Kenny Loggins sang in the original, all right.

3. Dirty Dancing: Havana Nights (2004): I have written pretty much everything that needs to be written about this stupid, sexless prequel that has nothing to do with the original, which was stupid but at least brought the sexy. This one does throw in some Swayze. But not enough.

4. Grease II (1982): Middle-aged teenagers, snort-worthy songs (including the cringey horticulture sex ditty Reproduction), unsexy T-Birds, supernatural bikers and no original Pink Ladies but Frenchy (Didi Conn.) That Michelle Pfeiffer girl showed some promise, though. Wonder what happened to her?

5. Anacondas: The Hunt For The Blood Orchid (2004): Different crew of international morons cruising toward their doom as a reptile aperitif, different snakes, different pointless pain in my butt. I hear the original snake tried to get the first movie taken off her résumé and refused to participate in this one, lest her rep be further sullied.