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The Flick Chick Quick List: Five more movies to avoid

One of the worst things about writing about movies is that sometimes you cannot avoid seeing a movie that is, by all appearances, going to suck your brain, your patience and your soul right out of your eye sockets. Your eyes, however, are stuck watching the stupid movie, because it's your job. But don't worry — they're going to figure out a way to get back at you one day, and you'll have to wear a patch.

Sony Pictures Read reviews of "Little Man."

So I'm glad that I did not have to see Little Man, the new Wayans Brothers comedy about an unusually short ex-con (Marlon Wayans) who goes undercover as a baby so that he can retrieve a stolen diamond from an unsuspecting couple (Shawn Wayans and Kerry Washington). And so he can look at boobies, hit people over the head and create hideous sight gags that appear that a baby is groping his "adopted" mother.

I know we're supposed to see things before we judge them, but I don't have to write about it, so there's no way you're dragging me to see this mess. I have enough garbage in the spaces in my brain where math and the birthdays of close friends are supposed to be — I'm not voluntarily clogging it.

Here are five more movies I've avoided thus far, and which are going to make my Netflix list on the 12th of Never. Maybe ignorance is bliss, but at least I'm not dreaming about the Klan and dismemberment. And that's pretty dang blissful to me.

1. Saw (2004): Yay, kidnappings and torture and dismemberments by hacksaw! That's fantastic! Where can I get me some of that?

2. The Birth of A Nation (1915): I have tried to watch this D.W. Griffith film championing the Ku Klux Klan's defense of nice white people against the hordes of treacherous blacks (i.e., white dudes in blackface). But then I keep throwing up.

Fine, it's well-made and historic. But it sickens me. And I can't do it.

3. Boxing Helena (1993): Yay, romantic obsession and a woman gradually disfigured and put in a box so she can't get away from her crazy lover! That's fantastic! Where I get me some of that?

4. Natural Born Killers (1994): I tried sitting through this the night it came out, but only made it as far as the obnoxious, bloody scene where Rodney Dangerfield gets murdered. I then fled to The Next Karate Kid, which had just started next-door. I don't mind violence in a movie if there's some purpose. But I don't appreciate what amounts to a dare — are you edgy enough to sit through this? Apparently not.

5. Booty Call (1997): Because it appears to be a bunch of nasty black stereotypes (a woman named Lysterine, anyone?) and a plot about looking for a condom. And ... it's called Booty Call. Bye, now.