I will never forget, way back in 1990, when some family friends were getting married.

Since I always had an interest in music, I inquired ahead of time what the first dance song would be for the happy couple and was told that James Ingram’s “I Don’t Have the Heart” was chosen to best signify this couple’s love.

I might have been in high school at the time, but I wasn’t an idiot. Clearly, someone went with the whole “I’ll never hurt you” angle that they thought the song was professing, not paying attention to the next line that informs, “But I don’t have the heart to love you, not the way you want me to.”

Not exactly what I would want to hear on my first day of marriage.

Then there is R.E.M.’s “The One I Love,” another greatly misunderstood “love” song. Yes, Michael Stipe is sending out his emotions to the one he loves all right, that  “simple prop to occupy my time” that he “left behind.”

Hey, everyone, welcome to Romance 101!

Meanwhile, my editor is convinced that Seal’s “Kiss from a Rose,” a ballad that sends women into glassy-eyed swoons at Seal concerts isn’t about love at all, but cocaine.

She’s my editor. I’m not gonna argue.

Another friend pointed to Norman Connors’ “Valentine Love” as an example of a supposed love song that is really more about clouded judgment and wishful thinking (“I’m on my knees, begging you back, baby”) than genuine amore.

And then we have the Police classic, “Every Breath You Take,” in which Sting – who, back when he had that hairstyle was welcome to stalk me – blatantly tells the object of his affection that he’s creepily watching every move and measuring every breath.

Ew. Even 30 years (!!) later, ew.

So, in honor of Valentine’s Day, instead of pouring on the glop, how about sharing some love songs that are frequently misunderstood? Maybe you figured it out the hard way…or maybe you had that family friend who just didn’t listen.

To jar your memory, here are some reminders:

James Ingram, “I Don’t Have the Heart”

http://youtu.be/OUz0T7ixeEk

R.E.M., “The One I Love”

http://youtu.be/j7oQEPfe-O8

Seal, “Kiss from a Rose”

http://youtu.be/ateQQc-AgEM

Norman Connors, “Valentine Love”

http://youtu.be/HKYNrjk3aT0

The Police, “Every Breath You Take”

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