I just sacrificed 22 minutes of my life so you don't have to: Kim Zolciak is back with her second season of Bravo's "Don't Be Tardy...," which debuts Tuesday, Feb. 16 at 9 p.m.
Now the former "Real Housewives of Atlanta" cast mate is married and pregnant with her fourth child, who comes out quickly and easily before the first commercial break.
So what did I learn about Kim? Not much, but here are five things I was able to glean:
She has a hard time forgiving: Her mom and dad have not spoken to her since she booted them from her wedding a year earlier (her mom Karen apparently used a bathroom she wasn't supposed to or something idiotically trivial). Over the next year, she has not reconciled with them. "When you're up," she says in narration to position herself as the victim, "people want to tear you down." She gets upset when she hears a rumor that her mommight be shopping a book and saying she's a stripper. (Kim denies that she ever stripped, something her former friend NeNe Leakes did.) Since this is pure hearsay, who knows whether the "book deal" with a desire to expose Kim is even remotely true. What's true: her mom did sue her to try to gain access to her grand-daughters for visitation.
Kim remains a curse machine: I counted 22 curse words that had to be bleeped out in 22 minutes. Once, she curses right in front of her little infant boy Kash. Class act, that Kim. Honestly, is there anybody else on reality TV that has such an unbridled potty mouth?
Her oldest daughter Brielle isn't going to Harvard: Brielle does not appear to be terribly ambitious - or book smart. In the trailer for the rest of the season, we see her failing classes, driving poorly and showing off her beach body. Chip off the old block?
A money pit? After their deal with a previous house fell through in typically ugly fashion (read the gory details here), Kim and her family moved back into her old townhome temporarily. They found another home to rebuild and presumably, it will cost millions to fix to her liking. In fact, it will take at least eight months to renovate. And there's mold on part of the ceiling. I'm sure that's just the start of it.
Hoarding - buried alive: She complains about squeezing four kids, her husband and staff into her small townhome ("Boobs and butts need more space.") Realizing she'll be there longer than three months, she decides to unpack. A friend helps her but is stupefied by the amount of stuff Kim has collected, including excessive numbers of sweatpants (her favorite choice of pants since she got pregnant with K.J.) and most disturbingly, 40 pregnancy sticks she used to ensure she was pregnant with Kash, her next child so soon after K.J..
Her friend calls her a hoarder, which she naturally denies: "I'm not a hoarder. I just buy a lot of s***."
Her first spin-off, by the way, did pretty well for Bravo, drawing about 2 million viewers an episode, which merited a second one.
"Don't Be Tardy..." 9 p.m. Tuesday, April 16, Bravo